A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This isn't a romantic relationship question, but I really could use some help because it's affecting me a lot!I've been blessed with the most wonderful friends and parents in the world and the fact that I achieved those bonds is a huge mark of success. However, some things have happened to me in my career that have been disheartening and affected my confidence. I feel that at my age, lacking confidence in myself is puerile but lately I've been feeling bad about myself, like I'm not capable.I'm a teacher, and right now, I'm teaching abroad... in Mexico. I love it here, but recent experience have left me feeling inadequate. I have been teaching at this private school and last year I was really successful and they praised my professionalism, but they surveyed the students in one of my classes and the results were horrible! The survery was objective, so the students didn't mention why they were unhappy, the numbers were just really low! Now, I'm under more pressure than ever and I'm an absolute mess because deep down I doubt my abilities as a teacher. I don't want to get out of teaching, I feel like a failure and I can't stand to fail. I look around and everyone else seems to be so much more successful than me.Is lack of confidence a sign of just being a failure, at my age? I want so badly to be successful and feel like I've failed in my profession. I'm not sure how to help myself, but thank you if you can help me!
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 I always live by the motto that if you change one... just one person's life for the better, then you're not a failure. And who knows... that one student in your class may grow up to make a positive impression in this world- and you could be the reason for that!
Now I can understand how you may be feeling after receiving such low marks on the survey. But what were they surveying you on? Frequency of tests? Your attitude towards them? But in any event... don't view that survey as a failure report. View it as constructive feedback which can help you improve your teaching abilities- and an outline on how you could help even MORE students... better. No teacher is perfect. Each one has his/her own style, positive methods of teaching, and things they could always improve on.
And never doubt yourself. You were put on this earth to teach, to assist others in their lives academically and potentially morally. And aside from the students' parents & certain adult or comic figures, you are viewed a role model. Stand strong, do your best, and repeat to yourself daily before you go into work that you're going to teach well, help kids learn something new- and can benefit them in their lives, and end the affirmation by saying... "I AM A GOOD TEACHER". Continue each day to think positive and again... do your best.
Best Wishes!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Sorry for your situation. You sound like an ambitious person - for now,keep doing your job and learn from mistakes. I am a junior lect in a univ and I know how complex dealing with students can be. Interestingly, young and beginning teachers always want to overdo things, like try to please students, trying to "overexplain" concepts etc...it never works! lucky enough teaching is one of those proffessions in which you become better with experience. Just think about it....how many "distinguished" proffessors are aged 30 or 35? that tells you that yours (and mine) is an area in which you cannot "get there" overnight. you have to learn, be patient and work hard.
Finally it would be wise to adopt a more realistic approach to your goals and ambitions - what defines your fulfillment in life? is it only you career? what is the place of social others in your life? do you have hobbies? do you have a partner? achieving harmony and happiness in other areas of life will greatly enhance you motivation and feelings about your career. So to sum it up, you are not a failure! everyone goes through that phase of their careers, and you will rarely find a person who is 100% "happy" in their career. Go easy on yourself, be patient as you gain more skills and experience, and get a vibrant life outside of the classrroom! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): A failure? A faiure in my mind is someone who doesn't strive for anything that hasn't achieved anything which can make a difference in another person lives or in their own. Not for a minute would I relate a failure to someone who is a teacher, a teacher who teaches in Mexico and in a private school that doesn't sound like a failure to me. I really can not quite comprehend how you can think of yourself as a failure. You're wanting to be succesfull, you ARE succesful, for the lack of confidence relating to failure i personally don't agree with. How can a lack of confidence make someone a failure when you have achieved so much and you are still wanting to achieve more. Just because yeah this time you have had a bad outcome of a assesment survery do not for one second let this doubt your own abilities and your ability as a teacher. You are a teacher if you werent capable of being a teacher you would not be teaching at a private school. Sometimes people put so much pressure on themselves when all it does is mak everything so much worse you sometimes need to take a step back breath and realise that you are actually a succesful and confident person. The amount of years you have been on this planet and the feelings of your self confidence being decreased doesnt result to you being a failure. For now, think that all you can do is move forward and think about how you, yourself can ridden these feelings of questioning your own abilities and realise you are a succesful person. You are not a failure. For once when you do realise this and truley realise this your mind will be clear of these negative feelings. I hope that you do take a time out and think about yourself and the things that you have done and don't compare other peoples success as im pretty sure people may look at you and feel how successful you are. When these feelings begin to lessen and the feeling of knowing you are not a failure becomes the main thought lingering in your mind i hope then you understand that the question you are asking now is merely a bump in the road to even more success that im sure you will be striving more for in your future.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (4 May 2012):
A lack of confidence is an inner feeling, which is easy to disguise to the world outside, so don’t compare yourself in this way to other people. Self-doubt is not a sign of failure, it often does not match reality. A person lacking in confidence tends to feel like they’re failing more than they actually are. Self-doubt, however irrational others might tell you it is, isn’t actually easy to overcome, but there are ways you can work on improving the way you deal with life’s setbacks and disappointments. People with a lack of confidence tend to be overwhelmed by their emotional reactions to things. To take your example, you are overwhelmed by the disappointment of your survey results. This overwhelming emotional reaction prevents you from engaging in healthy self-evaluation. You get so upset that you lose the ability to reflect and set yourself manageable goals and aims in life. The right thing to do is to ask yourself where you think you need to improve, then try to think out (and write down I’d suggest), something concrete that you can actually realistically try to do, to make things better. There is no quick fix to a lack of confidence, but trying to keep some realistically achievable aims and goals will help. So next time you get overwhelmed by something, try, once the initial disappointment dies down a bit, to think out some steps you can take to try and make things better, and work on them. I wish you all the very best.
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