A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My current situation is the most difficult one Ive ever had to face. I know it may be difficult for some to understand why a person such as myself chooses to stay involved but please bare with me. Well Ive been in my current relationship for nearly 6 years. I have a 2 year old daughter and Im currently 8 months pregnant.. The father of my children is a jerk to put it mildly. He has physically emotionally mentally and verbally abused me. Last october I found out he cheated and got another woman pregnant.. Like a lot of women in this situation I forgave him tried and worked things out. This other child was born in June. It is one of the worst days of my life. I have a serious problem with my child interacting with this baby. His family is always bring my child around the other one claiming they need to know each other. I know that its not the childs fault but its how I feel although I really dont express these feelings. The father of my children is incarcerated for 2yrs..He doesnt appreciate me still has contact with this other woman and it kills me inside. Its like hes obsessed with her. I have done everything for him. I write letters every week send literature and books for him to read and except all the collect calls I also take my daughter to visit each week...I know that this person doesnt because the reason he is locked away is due to a fight that happened between them and there is currently a restraining order until 2015 for her and her son. However they keep in contact through letters which he sends to his mom to give her. I know this because his mom and i are very close and she tells me everything.Last week i went to a visit and he seemed to have an attitude he called me all kinds of fat bitches said that I was a whore who didnt deserve respect and also said that I probably gave oral sex to every guy in our town. He told me that is why he cheated. Everyone in the visiting room just stared and the guard whisked him away as i ran out in tears and hyperventilating. Well as soon as i got home I put a block on my phone havent written an letters. Im realizing that things will never change. He will never leave this woman alone. He will never appreciate what and who Ive been to him. According to his mom the other woman isnt really thinking about him. She says she doesnt understand it either. I dont know what to do I dont feel strong enough to stop loving him. I dont understand whats wrong with me. Why did he do this? Why does he act like he loves me one minute and the next disrespects me? Why are me and his daughter not good enough for him? Why does he care so much about this other female he barely knows? What am I going to do? I feel lost empty sometimes I feel like Id rather be dead and that my kids would be better off without me. I cry all day I feel insecure and ugly. Im so tired of suffering in my life. Im so tired of the control he has over me and my thoughts. someone please help me figure something out! I want him to hurt the way he has hurt me. Am i wrong to say this? Please someone help me I cant stand the pain anymore I am desperate! What should I tell him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): He is a mental case, clearly. unpredictable behavior, unapropriate relationship w/ another woman.Has he ever been diagnosed as bipolar?It has nothing to do w/ you. You shouldn't be wanting to hurt anyone. It's a very negative feeling, makes you unhappy.I am afraid one day he is going to hurt physically and may be kids too. Run, before it's too late
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (10 September 2009):
 This is one of those sad situations where you are involved with a man who's the wrong person for your life.
From everything you wrote, you have been kind, forgiving, loving and attentive to him. He, on the other hand, has ignored all of these gestures and acted horribly towards you.
Understand this: he's only thinking about himself. I doubt he has ever seriously thought about you or the other woman. His obsession is himself.
That said, he has a lot of issues inside himself. There's a great deal of anger there. Unfortunately, his anger is really directed towards himself, and he lashes out at the people who care about him. That's why he attacked the other woman, and now she's not that available to him, he has attacked you instead.
Your best bet is to just walk away. If you can get child support from him then do so. But you need to focus on yourself and your children, not this guy.
Xearo's answer is good so all I can do is add this much:
1. You deserve to be loved, not abused.
2. You gave this guy two children, and he should respect you for having done that for him.
3. You gave him your love and support and he abused both.
4. You deserve to be respected both as a woman and as a mother.
5. You need to focus on yourself and making a better life and future. Doing that means improving yourself, your self-respect, your self-esteem and your self-image. All of this is necessary for you to be strong enough to ignore this man.
If you're this unhappy now, imagine what it would be like if he was back out of prison and into your life.
Try looking into your own heart and seeing what it is you can do in your life to make it better and happier. If you want to start a new career, try focusing on that right now. Whatever it is, find something else to focus your valuable time on.
As for the guy, they ought to put a label on him with a skull and crossbones that says, "Poison". Because that's what he's doing to your life. You need to be happy, not mistreated.
I don't want to be unreasonably harsh here. From what I see, you're trying very hard. But someone like this is not going to be able to care for you or the kids until he learns to control himself and find some sort of happiness in his life. He apparently can't do that and you shouldn't have to frustrate yourself and harm the children trying to control him. You can't, only he can do that.
As far as the other woman, I am guessing she's seen the same horrible behavior as you have. If you try and meet her, and get acquainted with her, your children can know that they have another sibling out there and make a solid connection.
I think your relationship with his mother is good and I think she cares about you and all of the kids. Make peace with everyone that you can and try and figure out a way to enrich your family's lives without this guy. From all accounts, he's probably going to spend most of his time behind bars anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Let it out. Let it all out. Scream if you have to. Just use a pillow. Kick and punch the bed. Just let it out. When you are done, give yourself a break. Breathe.
Realize what you do have in your life, right in front of your eyes. You have a child to take care of. Your child. Do you want it or anyone else for that matter to experience that kind of pain you felt? I don't think so. And I can assure you that revenge, even for 1 second, gives you any satisfaction. He is already incarcerated. You need to realize that the only one causing this pain and suffering, is YOU. You have control of your life, not him.
You thought he would change but he only got worse. You gave him love, forgiveness, gifts and attention and he only acted like a spoiled child. And I am no expert mind you, but I am sure that giving a spoiled child more stuff, doesn't exactly fix anything. He did all these bad things to you insist on clinging to him. Just don't! Let him go! Desperate? You should be rejoicing that a jerk like that is gone. What should you tell him? I think the room for words is gone don't you think? What do you need to figure out that you don't already know?
Before you start worrying about this other woman, why don't you worry about your child and yourself first. You are already worth more than he could ever dream to be. It's just up to you to decide when you want to see that for yourself.
Good luck and take care
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