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age
41-50,
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writes: Hi there. I have a bit of a problem. I'm 38 and my bf is 37. We are currently trying for a baby and also buying a house together. My problem is that my bf is quite career driven and I feel he expects me to be. But I'm not. I currently earn about £16,500 but I dont do 40 hours a week and if I did it would be more like £19,000. My boss will give me 40 hours a week later this year. My bf earns around £23,000 but he also does extra shifts. He's due for a promotion and his salary will go up to around £25,000. The way I see it, between us we have enough, enough for a mortgage and to bring up a child. Don't get me wrong, there are things about my job that i hate and i do think about bettering myself but I've been there almost 2 years and if I fall pregnant this year (we have been refered to the fertility clinic as we have been trying for a year now) and I hope to, i'll be entitled to maternity leave. If I get a new job and fall pregnant i will have to have been there for a year before i am able to take maternity leave, right?I guess my question is, is it okay to not be particularly carrer/money driven? The way I see it I've got a job, okay the pay is not fantastic but it could be loads worse, i mean , I HAVE a job (loads don't!!?) We are still going through a recession in the UK and there are so few jobs around that the ones that come up, EVERYONE applys for. The last TWO I applied for I did not even get to interview and I find it really draining doing job apps on my days off then having to take unpaid time off work or my annual leave to go to interviews. I do not sponge money off him, I am not a goldigger at all and never have been. He dos not pay for me and we go 'halves' on most things, like shopping etc. The only thing that is a out of balance is that he is fronting the deposit for the house we will buy (he has £18,000 in savings). I only have £2,000. But this will all be written up when we instruct a solicitor. I just dont feel inclined to apply for other jobs right now, I feel that I have too much other stuff going on (like the fertility clinic),it is the wrong time and also the wrong financial climate. What do you all think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Thanks for your answers, I really appreciate it. I just want to try and focus on getting pregnant at the moment. I actually feel it would be irresponsible to leave my current job and apply for another one, as I might not get maternity leave.
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 By itself, not being career-driven is acceptable, even normal.
However, if you're going to be having a child, you have to put that child above your own needs. That may mean working harder and climbing the corporate ladder. You'll need savings for emergencies, for education, and in case something were to happen to anyone. You'll need a good enough income to pay for raising the kid, and that may very well require both of you to work hard.
It's great when you can find rewarding work that you love, but most people do not have that luxury even in developed countries. You have to plan for what will work best for the child. That may mean staying at your current job and taking more hours, or it may mean finding a new job. Or it may mean any number of other things.
Talk with your boyfriend and figure out what will work best for both of you. But put the child you plan to have *before* your own personal satisfaction with your job. Take the opportunity to find out if he really expects you to be career-driven - you say you "feel" he expects it, but have you really talked to him about it?
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 Eh, i don't think there's anything wrong with your line of thought.
My relationship is somewhat similar. I married a woman who is highly motivated and driven in her career. In the 8 years that we have been together she has had 6 different jobs. All of them moving up the ladder, everyone a step forward, but good gosh does she take some risks. She builds up the time to go on maternity leave, and then while on mat-leave, she finds another job and leaves the previous organization. A couple of times she has even quit a job without having a replacement lined up yet (that scares the bejesus out of me!)
I, on the other hand, have been working for the same organization for the entire time we have been together. Sure i have moved up, and my pay rate has increased, and the benefits are really nice, but really i probably have the skills to do better then this. I just have never been driven to do so. I'm comfortable where i am at, and feel like i'm the steady rock that she can fall back on if she ever fails.
Since we've had children, I also feel like job security is really important, so that our family can always count on at least some stability, ya know?
I know my mentality drives some people nuts. I have 2 highly successful sisters who for whatever reason resent the fact that i'm not using my abilities to their fullest potential, but the way i see it... Ultimately you have to worry about you and your partner. No one else.
So long as the two of you are comfortable with where you are at and where you are going, then what else really matters?
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (30 May 2011):
It's not at all wrong not to be career driven. As long as you are making enough money to get by and not sponging off of others, you should be able to do what you want and pursue what really matters to you. It takes all kinds to make up the world. Not everyone has to be ladder climbers up the corporate chain.
On the other hand, what you seem to be worried about is how your bf feels about this. And that's a whole other matter entirely.
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A
female
reader, Bellaxxx  +, writes (30 May 2011):
Mindy, life is too important 2 be taken 2 seriously!! As long as you are happy thats all that matters. When you have your baby you will be very happy that your not in a job that requires all your energy and time. There are alot of people with kids surviving on alot less than what your making. Saldy some people live to work, others like you and I work to live and their is NOTHING wrong with that, focus on your baby, when you have it you will see quite clearly what really matters in life. Best of Luck.
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