A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I move for the man I'm falling for?I think I'm falling in love with a man I've reconnected with online after many years not seeing each other. It wouldn't be anytime soon, but I wonder if I could/would move to be with him.The problem is, I have a child and his Father and I are both settled in the area so his Father can see him. I would feel bad taking the child away-however, his Father only comes and sees him 2 weekends a month. I have offered more time, but he is not interested. He doesn't make much of an effort in his child's life at all.The man I'm falling for also has children and he is living where he is to be close to them. He is very actively involved in their lives and has a great relationship with his ex. He would be a great father figure.I'm torn. Would it be worse to take my son away from his biological Father, whom he loves, but is barely involved to move to be with a man I love who would be a constant Father figure?
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): Yes I think its ok. I mean your son's father isn't interested in him and the new guy would probably be a way better father figure and role model for your son.Don't block off opportunities for you and your son, just to uphold a status quo that's not really working all that well.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 September 2013):
 Nothing is more important than having a STABLE environment. You shouldn't even let the kid meet this new guy until after at least a year into a relationship. That means, that "think you love" is way too soon, and don't move for the guy.
Also, your kid's father seeing your child two weekends a month is better than many kids get that we hear on here. If you have a court order for visitation, you leaving and blocking access could get you in contempt of court. How would you like it if your kid's dad stopped paying child support? You wouldn't, so why would you block visitation? You shouldn't. You can't have it both ways. Sorry it sounds harsh, but your child comes first, and your child is in regular contact with his dad. Do not do anything to undermine that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): Don't uproot your life for another man until you're certain it's a solid and grounded decision. You are not just making a decision for yourself, but for your child as well.
The other guy isn't leaving his roots to come to you.
You're moving to him; with little more than a promise of love, and to fulfill a dream. It all sounds romantic; but not practical or realistic. It ranks way up there when we talk about risks.
Will you have a job and place to live secured at the end of the move? Will you still be able to survive on your own; if the romantic venture falls through?
It all sounds wonderful and exciting until you're miles away from where you are now. Sitting in an empty room, on a cold snowy night; wondering what the hell did you do this for?
Your child's father may not appreciate seeing his son too much; but your son may cherish every minute he sees him.
It's not about his father anyway. It's about what's best for the child and how it will all affect him. Will he be in a stable and safe environment? Will you be financially able to provide him all the necessary comforts a child needs to be safe and happy? Even if your romance falls through?
What if you don't find the pot of gold you're expecting at the end of the rainbow? You can't just turnaround and move back. So I hope you get your head out of the clouds before you move. Not when you're miles away and in a deep depression. A kid is depending on your better judgement.
DON'T LET HIM DOWN!
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 September 2013):
It sounds like you could be reconnecting with your child's father for all you know. You can't uproot your child and move them away from their father simply based on the nice things some guy tells you.
Don't worry about their dad's feelings as much as you need to worry about their feelings.
If I was you I'd take things very slow with this guy, don't get ahead of yourself... Don't start planning things before you guys spend a decent amount of face to face time together. Even then you shouldn't plan on moving in with him, just moving to the same city to begin with.
Better yet, find a guy closer to home. I'm sure there's plenty.
...............................
|
