A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I made a casual friendship with a guy when I sold some radios for an air base (he's air force) He was very friendly, yet a bit too much back then. He left a week later. I had to contacted him a month after that by email and since then we began keeping in touch by email.I have to be sincere I don't know his wife, BUT I do know she's military also and that doesn't mean he doesn't talk about his family and stuff. They were living in Germany at the time and about a year ago they changed to the US, just across the country.Now, he went on deployment and recently came back home. He sent me a note saying Hi. So, I called him at his office to welcome him back. I was a bit doubtful as to how he was going to react or if I could get into trouble, but he was very friendly asked about my family (yes, I'm single but he doesn't know, never told him and he never asked) and I asked about his, and he said every thing's good, good.That he was happy to hear a voice of a friend from back then, and happy to hear from me.So, why does my friends keep telling me it's still wrong. Can I just have a long distance friend like that?
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female
reader, Miss Potter  +, writes (31 October 2008):
 Hi. Doesn't sound like anything "bad" is going on between you two. He is a military man, they move around the globe and most probably he does not have as many friends as people who aren't in the military have. Because he moves around and is never home he doesn't enjoy a regular satturday night drink in a bar with his friends as most people do, so he probably is happy to have a long distance friend.
What do you want from this friendship though? What are your motives?
For now it seems that he doesnt want anything else but friendship from you, but the thing is, if for example him and his wife will have a fight and he turns to you for advice it might end up going further than just a friendship...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): Aside from simply saying 'go with your gut', which should be good enough here, I'll say that it doesn't seem like having a friendship should be a problem.
However, you said "yet a bit too much back then", which leads me to believe he might be susceptible to the urge to try for more than just a simple friendship.
If you are genuinely interested in him as a friend, and he isn't sending signals that he's interested in anything more, I would suggest getting to know his family, and letting the outcome of that determine how you move forward.
For instance, if his wife gets to know and like you, and you two become friends, that would be a smashing success. However, if his wife feels threatened, and he gets apologetic, that might spell trouble.
Then again, it's up to him to handle his affairs, and you to handle yours. Do only as much as you feel comfortable with, and sternly adhere to your limits--realize that if you don't obey them, you can't be sure you'll be able to resume control later, if the situation does go out of hand.
Have you been in this sort of situation before?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): Sometimes our friends can see things more objectively than we can. As a general rule, I don't have friendhips with girls who are married. That doesn't mean I don't say "hi" in the hallway or something; but I don't take them out for lunch, write them personal e-mails, or call them up...you get the idea. I see marriages as being rather sacred, so what you're describing does seem a bit much. I wouldn't make it an on-going thing.
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