A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everybody. I have a question;Is it so wrong to have a sex buddie? I mean I'm 19, I'm young I only had sex with 2 guys and the last time I had sex with my last sex buddie was almost 8 months ago. And yes I'm horny I never really like a guy before so why not? My friends are saying I should. Wait, but they have boyfriends soo why should I listen to them? I mean I know they care but its not my fault that I want to have sex. I've waited for months and still no boyfriend so why continue? I had my first real boyfrend when I was 17 and it lasted 3 months and the sex was soooooo bad to the point that I regret him. And he also was very disrespectful and I was back to him so yea, I waited and ended up with him. What a joy huh? I really want a boyfriend but I can't find 1 and its not like I'm looking for married, hell I don't want to get married or have kids so why should I wait? I don't understand that? Lol but thanks for reading and I'm sorry if its long.
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male
reader, Mr Clark +, writes (25 January 2011):
Another aspect to consider is that women's bodies release significant amounts of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone" during sex:Oxytocin is also released into the blood during many types of touching; including cuddling, hugging, kissing, orgasm, sex and snuggling. The physical effects of oxytocin include increased sensitivity of nerve endings, stimulated muscle contractions, increased heart rate plus the desire to touch and be touched. The emotional feelings that the release of oxytocin produces are the feeling of bonding, attachment and even the calming afterglow from orgasm and sex.The bonding that oxytocin promotes in women is said to be "designed to encourage people to stay together".http://www.wellness.com/blogs/happyspouse/6318/the-link-between-the-hormone-oxytocin-and-female-orgasm-bonding-and-attachment/dawn-michael-maI'm not sure it's possible for humans to have sex without experiencing some feelings for the other person. Let's say it is possible to do so. Would you really want to? I'm not saying there's an objectively "right" answer to this question, it's just food for thought.Also, there's a school of thought that says that a pattern of bonding/breaking the bonds eventually leads to lower and lower levels of bonding in each successive sexual relationship. Again, I'm not sure if that's true. I've read plenty of posts on this web site written by people who had been promiscuous and later successfully settled down, so it's certainly possible.You also might want to think about whether or not you want sex to be "special" in some way. I realize that view is typically dismissed as being antiquated in today's world. Maybe it is, but only you can decide what sex means to you. On a side note, it may be true that a large segment of society has a double standard with respect to promiscuity in men vs women. However, that doesn't mean that a man who believes that sex is meaningful is a hypocrite. There are plenty of men who do not bang everything that moves, and you can find a man like that if you decide it's important to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): I'm 20 and I don't think having a fuck buddy is inherently wrong -- it's just that it tends to get troublesome sometimes. But if you know what you want, play it safe and trust the other party well enough and are on the same page, why not?
But in reality it doesn't work out quite as neatly though. But I think you already know that. Personally I find the one guy/ one girl fuck buddy deal too much trouble if you're just horny and looking for a quick fix.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCeltic_tiger Lol omg I am sexually frusrated. I know right? And I won't let thhat happen. I mean I could have had sex with my last sex buddie best friend or a guy with a girlfriend but I didn't. That's not cute or respectful I don't want that to happen to me if I had a boyfriend but I did think on it for some days lol :xAngelDlite I agree again if I did meet a nice guy and I liked him I really would make him wait. I really would because I perfer a boyfriend than a sex buddie. And that damn damn DAMN made me laugh when I re-read it. Or I could just wanted to laugh, I love to laugh sooo yeah.And the sex toys don't seem like a bad idea but ugh the real deal would feel so much better, even tho I never used a sex toy. Maybe ill meet some nice guy at the fair, maybe. I don't think so tho.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (24 January 2011):
 I'm sorry. You are only 20, yet making out like you are over the hill. So you haven't had sex in a year, big deal. There are many people who go for much longer than that without sex and find a boyfriend or partner.
You will have sex again, and you will have another boyfriend. You are just sexually frustrated.
I fear you are letting the frustrations get the better of you and that if you do have casual sex, you will regret it. Once something is done, it cannot be undone.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 January 2011):
 :) no your not rude! (damn damn damn!!! made me laugh)
if you want a boyfriend, you really need to make the man wait, i know it sounds silly, but its just the way things are (in most cases) if a man gets to sleep with you on the first night before he has gotten to know you he won't have the same respect for you, he may wonder if you make a habit of shagging men you hardly know, that's all. if you do just want casual sex with men, then fine, no problem, just be careful to not get a reputation for it.
don't completely write sex toys off! they are not all big mad dildos you know! i know what you mean though, it doesn't beat the intimate feelings of being with a man.
like i said though, if you are a strong enough person to do casual, then fine, but some people really aren't. just don't ever allow yourself to be used and abused, always keep your wits about you and judge men on the way they treat you and behave and NOT what they say
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAngelDlite -- I agree with you. But what do u suggest I do? Never have sex again? I don't like sex toys. I don't like women and using my fingers gets me nowhere. I can't help that I want to have sex, if so sue me please lol. But maybe I'm meant not to have sex again. How can I focus when I think about sex? Or want it? I'm almost at a yearof no sex and I'm trying to be "be patient" but damn damn DAMN!!!! I may be going to a fair this weekend. And IF a guy trys to get to know, should I walk away because he may want what I want? I really do perfer a boyfriend but for me that's just like saying you and I are going to win 50 million dollars next month. Sorry if that was disrespectful or rude
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 January 2011):
hi
sex buddies can be fun for some people but very bad and damaging to others. the worst cases are i think when someone is ideally looking for a committed partner and is so needy that when someone comes along and they just want f**kbuddyship, they will still along with it hoping desperately that that person will fall for them. that is a bad situation to enter into, but if this doesn't sound like you and you just want a bit of sex and fun then i would say why not go for it while you are so young? you haven't been with a disrespectful number of men yet for a 20 year old. have fun - but be SAFE
BUT unfortunately men that you meet in the future may feel that you are not as worthy of trust and respect because you have indulged in casual/uncommitted sex. yes this is hypocritical, but a fact of life :/
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm the girl wo asked this question; my 2nd time responding...
I think I can separate love and sex. I mean if I get into a FWB this will be my 2nd and even tho the 1st didn't end so well I can just try to do things different and not get attached. I mean I cant tell that I'm not going to always have a boyfriend so why not learn how to control my "feelings" if I do get a FWD? I'm not saying I want to have sex with every guy I see hell no. I do respect myself. I mean I only had sex with 2 guys and I'm pushing 20. I wish it was zero but I can't change the past.
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A
male
reader, Mr Clark +, writes (22 January 2011):
Here's an interesting discussion of FWBs:http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2009/02/11/hookinguprealities/are-women-cut-out-to-be-friends-with-benefits/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): Get yourself on the pill, always use condoms and get yourself a date-rape alarm.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI get what all of you are saying. And to celtic_tiger no I don't want to be used as a sex object. And I never said I wanted multiple sex partners, only one. And yes I know all the risks about having a sex buddy. But I want 1 guy and only 1 guy just until I meet me a good boyfriend. Or to end my 8 months of no sex, and yes I always use condoms no matter what. And a lot of guys cheat regradless but I would talk to him about having multiple sex partners. But it takes a while for me to want to be with somebody. So maybe it would take some time. Idk :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Nobody has the right to tell you not to have a sex buddy.
But some men will find it an unattractive quality in you. You don't have the right to tell them they shouldnt feel that way.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (21 January 2011):
This is entirely your choice, however you should always protect yourself.
Dont have multiple one night stands - this will put you at risk not only from STD's and pregnancy, but also from rape, abuse and violence. Get yourself on the pill, always use condoms and get yourself a date-rape alarm.
Also, a permanent sex buddy could lead to heartbreak for you. Are you 100% sure you can separate love and sex? Can you have sex just for sex, or will you get emotionally attached. What if you fall in love with him and he doesnt want a relationship? or vice versa. Someone will always get hurt.
Would you want to just have one sex buddy? Would HE have to just have sex with you? Or could he have multiple sex partners? What would be acceptable to you? Where do you draw the boundaries, have you even thought about that? Say you couldnt make a time/place he wanted, would you mind if he called up someone else to satisfy him? That is the reality of a sex buddy.
There is also the issue of your reputation. Men who sleep around and have lots of women are "studs", women who do this, however, are usually not looked on in such a positive manner. Just be careful if this is not the reputation you want. Word will soon get round that you are easy, which at 19 you might not find a problem, but later in life, it may bother you. Do you really want guys to see you as a sex object.
Ultimately it is your decision.
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A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (21 January 2011):
 You will always have that feeling of emptiness within...always trying to find a better performer, always bored after a while, always addicted to sex...but it's not meaningfull, it's just temporary.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): If you're both single and not hurting anybody, i don't see a problem with it.
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A
female
reader, thedivette +, writes (21 January 2011):
There's nothing inherently "wrong" with it, you just have to be prepared for the fall-out. If a bunch of guys get wind that you'll have sex with them without any commitment you might earn a reputation you don't want down the line. Sure, you're not interested in marriage right now, but you're only 19 and you might change your mind in 10 or 20 years. Usually men don't marry women they think have slept around a lot.
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A
female
reader, tomanypeoplehavethenameiwanthere +, writes (21 January 2011):
 nope, its just personal preference. yours just happens to be different to others and your friends cant tell you what you want to do.
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A
female
reader, cry +, writes (21 January 2011):
 yea girl get out there this is no time to settel down
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): no, i think its just personal preference really.
chances are you will find someone eventually (whether you decide to keep them is up to you) and i will feel happy for you when you do. until then , no, i dont think its bad to have a sex buddy, just be careful and use contraception, because you said about not wanting kids or anything.
dont worry what anyone else is, you are yourself and you like what you like :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): As long as your buddy doesn't have a girlfriend himself I don't see anything wrong with it. It might be better if you two just end up being sex buddies instead of having random hookups every night you go out. These days, you never know what you can get.
I think for today's standards this is the safest way to go. Again, so long as he DOES NOT have a girlfriend and both of you are OK to only sleeping with eachother for the time being. And knowing that it is NOT a relationship and that at some point you will part ways if either of you find a significant other.
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