A
male
age
41-50,
*astre
writes:Hi.Two years ago, I sought advise regarding my tendency to fall so quickly for guys (I'm gay)who are totally not right for me. I received answers from rcn, tisha and peter. I am grateful to all three.Im in a slightly different predicament now.I'm 36 years old but not 36 times wiser. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 1 1/2 years. Though I could say I'm happy, we are just like 2 old married couple. Frankly, I wasn't physically attracted to him, however, he's such a lovely guy and was totally into me that I just said yes. When I say we're like an old married couple, we dont have sex, we just kiss (slightly), cuddly, go for walks..Yes, like a married couple.A couple of weeks ago, I invited a sort-of-famous model and DJ to be a fan on FB. He accepted, then I sent him a short note saying how big of a fan I was. Surprisingly, he replied stating that he was coming to town to do some gigs and if I wanted tickets. I agreed but on the night I didnt see him as I was too early and left early. I thought that was it. But he left his number on FB and said that he was going down to London and if I wanted to meet up for drinks. One thing led to another..He was clear to say he wasnt gay and that it was a nothing. Initially I was fine with it but as the days go by, I kept thinking and thinking of him like a madman, I've been overcome by an exaggerated feelings for him, an unhealthy obsession. To make matters worse, I dont even feel an ounce of guilt that I played with fire, that my boyfriend might get hurt if he finds out.Pls help me, I've been crying all the time (for what I dunno!)over the DJ, like a part of me has been ruined/defeated. This is an acceptable behaviour of a teenaged-girl but not of a 36 year old man. I just dont want him to disappear, I really dont care what Ill end up as long as Ill be part of his life, as a friend, mate, buddy just as long as he wont vanish.I look at his FB constantly, put "likes" in all of his statuses wishing he'll notice me and invite me for a pint, I texted him last week but he never replied. Any other sane person can see that this was a one night thing but sadly, Im trying to stretch it to something I may never have.I wouldnt be exaggerating If i say that I have fallen apart, because i think I have. He is so so beautiful (14 years younger than I am) and just perfect in every way that I couldnt see anything else I need your advise.Pls help me..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): You have to find a way to control your emotions becasue it looks like it could have a serious affect on both your relationship and your sanity. I thnk there are two issues affecting you.
a) Your relationship with your man. It sounds as though you are not happy. Although I'm straight I know what it feels like to be happy with someone, care about them so, so much but know it's not quite right. It's a heartbreaker. You need to be strong and ask yourself is he who you want to be with. What would you do if he did the same to you? If you're not happy, be strong, and end it.
b) The DJ, give this guy some space. Stop liking everything on facebook, because that isn't how he's going to notice you. Ever. Facebook is a horrible thing, and I would personally suggest going cold turkey for a while, and engaging in other activities. It encourages the worst behaviour in people. If you feel you're emotions are out of control, please talk to someone. Take it one day at a time but realise that this DJmay have moved on. And as crushing and sad as that is, you have to remember, you pulled a DJ/model once you can do it again!
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