A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay so..I have run out of options and need advice. This might be long so sorry ahead of time.My gf and i have been together for a year and 4 months. Now the problem is that my gf is moving to a new place and her ex is her friend that is moving in with my gf, mainly because her ex was stupid enough to go back to drinking, losing her kids and her house...so now my gf is and was trying to help.Well we had a talk and my gf's ex has crossed lines hitting on my gf. Now my gf put a stop to every come on and made it clear about her relationship with me. My gf loves me and has always done anything and everything to help me out if I need something. She's never been unfaithful or dishonest and she's made it clear and shown me that she doesn't want her ex back, isn't attracted to her and doesnt see her ex as a love interests anymore, hasn't for a long time. Yet I don't like the fact that her ex is moving in with her. Well i brought it up and tried to talk to my gf, tell her how i felt and my gf got mad. And she said her ex only wants a roof over her head and a sense of security...but what I don't get is why it has to be my gf that has to provide that for her ex...but before i could ask, she said either i drop the subject or we're breaking up...so i dropped the subject. But it plagues me...I have no idea what to do. I trust her yes and believe her because she's never done anything to make me think otherwise or not trust her.Should I just push the subject away and leave it be, move on with my gf and be happy again? Is it wrong of me to want her ex gone from our lives? In my entire year and so with her i have never been miserable like I am now. I'll take any advice anyone can give me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah she broke us up in Oct of 2009. In my view all she wanted was someone to control and always get her way with no questions asked. I never found out why she broke us up. All i know is she told me, "Cuz i don't love u anymore" Oh well..bitch can rot for all i care now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): holy crap, id push the subject till she breaks it off with me or changes her mind. that is crazy disrespectful, i wouldent have it. i still cant believe she cant see why u would have a problem with it, just wow
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A
male
reader, Who +, writes (1 May 2009):
 “I'll take any advice anyone can give me.”
Any advice? Buy low sell high. Never play cards for money with a man called “Doc.” It is unwise to over tip.
Oh, you mean advice on you gf and her ex.
My guess is something in the history of your gf and her ex is at play here. Like maybe something happened to cause you gf to feel indebted to her ex, and your gf wants to or feels she has to pay her back now. Or your girl feel responsible somehow for her ex going back to drinking, losing her kids and her house. I’m just guessing and only your gf knows for sure. If this is being driven by history and because you gf said:
“…either i drop the subject or we're breaking up…”
…I’m thinking it is an emotionally charged history. So you are going to have to tread lightly.
“In my entire year and so with her i have never been miserable like I am now.”
But you should not have to be miserable. Maybe start by asking you gf is she is trying to make you miserable. Ask her why you two don’t move into together instead of the ex. This is what most people in a relationship do after a while. She says her ex “only wants a roof over her head and a sense of security”? The ex can move into which ever place you or your gf vacate.
If you gf balks at that, I’m thinking your gf wants to provide more than a roof and security. It may not be sex or romance, but something you gf feels she has to provide personally.
Tell your gf you are not trying to pry into her past, and your gf does not have to provide an explanation. You are only interested in the present and future you two have. Her living with her ex is affecting that present and future. You have a right and she has a responsibility to work this out so you are not miserable. She can’t just demand you drop it and threaten you with breaking up if you don’t.
Good luck and hope this helps.
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