A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:While my husband was out of the house I discovered that during the past 2 years he has been looking at and saving pictures of other women. These pictures are from a fetish site and some are pornographic. When I confronted him, he lied to me and then confessed. Am I wrong to feel extremely hurt and sad? I feel that I do not trust him and don't think I ever could again. I consider this cheating. Is it wrong of me to want a divorce?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): What you feel is normal, pornography has become the #1 reason for relationship problems during the past 2 years. If anybody is getting their sexual education from porn they have a lot of serious issues ahead of them. NOT all men get off on that rubbish.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): I divorced my husband over his porn use several years ago and believe me it was te best decsion I ever made
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): sorry but old leaonards a idiot...he obviously has no concept of how disrespectful porn is to women......obviously has no understanding of gender issues or how the women in porn are always young perfect bodies and the men are usually old slobs probaby much like him, thats why he likes it, thinking he can get one of these women)...what a joke...how dare he even suggest you partake in this...Leaonard buddy porn is NOT what real sex is about...if you truely believe that then I feel sorry for you...why dont you try growing some respect for women
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I don't think men realise how hurt it can make women feel when they have found out that their man has been looking at these sites. I think it is only ok if their is agreement is between two people, as it is otherwise a violation of trust. I think you need to speak to him and tell him how you feel and how much he has hurt you and then see where you can go from their and whether he is willing to give up looking at thes sites.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): my dear,please be realistic."Every" man in this world (and i mean normal men) watch porn.Its normal for them otherwise the porn wouldn't be flourishing. Its not necessary that he doesn't feel u r hot or something ,its just that their mind are conditioned like that.why not make it positive,watch porn with him(if u enjoy).Or just communicate and ask his fantasies .be open in ur sexual relation.Divorce is very very stupid on this ground.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): You are not wrong to feel hurt. A divorce seems a little extreme though. Why not try going to marriage counseling? The two of you made a commitment and should at least try to work it out before giving up.
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (30 July 2007):
NO! NO! NO! A divorce is not the way out,and it could be injurious to your physical and mental health. And perhaps the last thing that you really want. I watch Porno quite a lot,so as to be helpful to those who are in need of answers to their sexual problems on DearCupid There is a lots of great Info. on the Web,that deals with how to be a better lover and friend. So why not use the Porno to improve upon your sexual togetherness. It could be that your Husband is trying to tell you something like,"We need to spice-up our sexuality". So why don't you share the Porno Sites with him, Hey! Any sexual fall-out will end-up in your bed. And it's a great way to open up the lines of communication between you two, as I don't see much of that going on right now in your relationship.
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas +, writes (30 July 2007):
So I'm going on eighty years young,and I watch porno,but for a good reason. did your mother or father ever teach you about Sex? I don't think so. Well neither did mine.I use porno sites to enhance my marital relationship with my wife. And also within the porno Web-Site one can find lots of good info.about the male/female sexual anatomy. And without such knowledge how is one to become a more loving, caring partner. Also what I learn some,not all,is a blessing to those in need of answers on DearCupid.org. Was about to get involved with another woman, but I took my own advice and told her outright that my commitment to this marriage wouldn't allow me to be cheatting on my wife."Thank you DearCupid". As to your question, No! You have no grounds to seek a Divorce. Perhaps,It's his way of saying, "We need to spice-up our sexual togetherness". So why not share the Porno together. Great lovers aren't born that way,we all have to learn. And Porno can be a great way to learn how to pleasure each other's bodies in the bedroom. And happyness within the bedroom spells happyness outside of it. Besides shared Porno It's a great way to open-up the lines of communication between you two. And from what I can see there isn't much of that going on in your relationship If however you are looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship, Perhaps he snores too much at night, will do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I have been through something similar. That is a hard question to answer b/c it depends on where your marriage was at prior to your knowledge of these pictures. Where you already having problems? I do agree that it is cheating, I do understand how you feel and how you could never trust him again and believe me I know how extremely hurt and sad you are. It is an unbelieveable and undescribeable pain you are feeling now. I truly believe from my experience that men viewing those types of pictures have warped their minds from reality. And in my experience he took it one step further and that ultimately ended our marriage. Divorce is a horrible thing but you need to do what is right for you. My advice would be to seek the help of a therapist or counselor that can help you sort your feelings out - I know it is easier said than done but I know it truly helps!
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