A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago, my boyfriend of 5 years went out with some friends before his best friends military deployment. Rather than going to a bar, as he told me, the guys instead went to a strip club. My boyfriend was the designated driver for the night, and convinced all the men to lie to their respective women about their whereabouts. While at the strip club, my boyfriend received a lapdance (He claims that was all he did). My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship due to me being at college. I am now home for the summer, and although I have forgiven him for the lie, and despite the months that have passed, I still find myself upset that he received a lapdance. His friends still occasionally joke about that night, and I am continually learning more details about the night that make the hurt of the lie return. Most recently, I learned that the stripper had taken a particular liking to my boyfriend, even to the point of offering him a free private room if he could prove he was a firefighter!(His job). I feel very sexually inadequate (especially because of the repeated long distance). And I hate that he willingly accepted (and even paid for) the attentions of another woman (that he admitted he was attracted to). Is it wrong of me to still be upset about this one night occurrence? All the other women seem to be over it. What should I do to stop these feelings of jealousy and inadequacy?
View related questions:
best friend, jealous, lapdance, long distance, military, stripper Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): "What should I do to stop these feelings of jealousy and inadequacy?"You should realize that strippers are independent contractors who earn their livings by extracting as much cash as possible from their gullible clients, and any successful one knows that the best way to do that is by working on inflating a guy's ego and not his penis. That stripper did not take a particular liking to your boyfriend, she took a particular liking to his wallet. She was very much aware he was a firefighter before she asked, and had she known he was a cop, soldier, brain surgeon, rocket scientist or garbageman she would have offered a "free" private room to any member of those professions as well. Agree with SVC that his willingness to lie and also his convincing his friends to lie is more disconcerting than the activity itself. I have to admit I don't understand why an insecure chick is so willing to let abhorrent behavior aimed directly at her slide yet will brood for months over any perceived threat from another female (usually imagined).You need to concern yourself less with your own bruised ego and more with your boyfriend's character (or lack thereof). Just because he went to a strip club doesn't mean he's going to cheat on you, but if he lies about it then he'll lie about anything.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2014):
 it's not wrong to have feelings. they are your feelings and nothing can stop you from feeling what you feel.
Sadly you are correct that your feelings stem from lack of self-esteem and insecurity. That's what prompts the Jealousy.
the fact that he convinced (or attempted to convince) the others to LIE is more disconcerting to me than the actual activity.
I've been to strip clubs... around here lap dances even private ones are very controlled.. girls are not naked.. men must be dressed and they must sit on their hands.. NO TOUCHING.... and i just see it as fun and games.... but many do not. if you do not, that's fine... if you are with a man who thinks it's no big deal.. then you have a problem.
you have a man who:
a. is willing to lie to you
b. is willing to get his friends to lie to their significant others
What about the lap dance bothers you....
clearly it's not the LIE since you have forgiven that. (I'd not be so quick to forgive a lie but then that's me)
so what bugs you
that he is attracted to her? he will always see women he finds attractive... that's human nature
that he paid for it? would it have been better if she was just a friend who did it for free? why or why not
...............................
|
