A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi , is it wrong to wants to be housewife? I want to get marry and want to have kids. I don’t think I will be able to work. Since, I am taking care of my elderly mom and I am going to have kids as well. I want to be housewife. Is it wrong to think like that. If no then what’s the nice way to share my thought with someone that I am dating.Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all replies. ??. You guys are always helpful
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 October 2017):
 I think we are mixing up two different things : morally correct and socially desirable.
Of course there's nothing wrong per se in wanting to be a mom and a housewife- same as men do not dislike housewives per se,on principle.
But in the dating market not being able to provide at least a partial contribution to the family finances puts you at a disadvantage and makes you less desirable as a partner than other women having similar physical traits and similar personality to yours, BUT also a job.
In USA perhaps it's slightly better- but just slightly. Nowadays a couple in the Western world needs to count on a dual income, or at least some integration to the main provider's income, , if they want to raise a family and maintain that average level of comfort to which we all got used.
That's not just a blue collar problem ( and someone on a minimal wage basically can't even think of raising a family singlehandedly anyway ) - it's also a middle or upper middle clas problem.
If you are man with a modest job and salary , you know that with a non-working wife you'd face a lifetime of sacrifices , if not of actual hardship, streamlined to the max., always deprived of anything purely voluptuary and recreational, and always struggling to make ends meet. A grim perspective.
And if you are a professional, or a corporate guy, with a more than decent income- well, asking to such a guy to take on the total responsibility of supporting a wife and 2-3 kids, means asking him to give up a comfortable lifestyle , which, after all !, he has studied long years , and worked and hassled and competed, to get . And / or to put in supporting his family all the money which he could put away for buying a nice house, or giving the kids a first rate education, or making sure that he ( and wife ) will have a secure lifestyle in their golden years.
No wonder that most men aren't crazy about aspiring housewives. They are not being cynical, just rational. Unless someone just falls crazily in love at first sight, and decide that , come hell or high water, she must be the one- regular people THINK if the relationship is sustainable in the future from many points of view, including moneywise.
Plus, OP ,you are working full time now, I think would not make a great impression if you candidly saod : I am working now , but due to my personal committments I am planning to stop the very moment I get married. It comes off wrong, it may make you look like a gold digger even if you are not and you actually have very good reasons to not go to work.
Maybe in your place I'd compromise- part time job. At the right time, when you'll be talking about if and how you see a future together ( because I don't think this is a good subject for a first date ..:) you can say " if I had a child, I'd have to get a part time job for being able to handle multiple responsibilities without being overwhelmed "- and see what he says. He might very well be on board with that - it's much less daunting than being told " you'll be my only lifeline forever ".
Or else, just hang out only with very rich men, seriously rich :) In this case, there should not be a problem.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2017): There’s nothing wrong with not working as long as you’re not burdening others or the society. I’m 27 and my husband makes more than enough money to support the lifestyle we both want without me having to work. We don’t even have kids and don’t want any. I travel, take classes, learn languages, watch tv, do fitness, cook, etc. I am my husband’s biggest supporter. I manage the household. I’m capable of doing everything my husband can’t do. I do not have to work to have value in society / my family, or to feel self worthy. Not everyone is interested in working and that’s ok. It’s not necessary to be the same as everyone else. I love my life.
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male
reader, Claire1985  +, writes (28 October 2017):
Absolutely nothing wrong with it,.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2017): There’s nothung wrong with wanting to be a housewife, mom and caretaker. This is a job in itself, a very diffficult one that now gets little respect. Most women who have truly financially successful careers hire other people to do that work for them. Less successful women drop kids off at daycare or with relatives so they can go to work. You can’t make up for time not spent with your children The fact that being a homemaker is now frowned on by many shows how hypocritical a lot of women are in their treatment of other women.
You do need to worry about the financial future in case of financial problems, divorce or death. Maybe there’s a career where you can work at home. If you get married find someone who is successful and sign a prenup that assures you and your children will not be left penniless or in hardship. Make sure there are adequate life insurance policies in case of death that will give you some protection. Save as much money as you can now in an ira account. Don’t have a large family. Limit it to one or two children.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2017):
 No it is not wrong if that is what you want to do with your life. We all have different goals and wants in life. However I do feel that you are looking ahead in to the future and worrying about things that you don't need to worry about at the moment. From the sound off your post it seems you are not dating at the moment, so you worrying about staying at home with children is a bit far advanced at the moment if you are not even settled down with someone. At the moment you should stop worrying about the future and take things step by step. When you meet someone and begin dating talking about children and being a housewife might scare them off unless off course you are both at that stage. But for now stop worrying about the future and focus on your life now and the present.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2017): I think now it's pretty much financially impossible for only one half of a couple to work and the other stay at home. If you have kids to feed as well you'd have to find yourself a husband with a very good income to be able to support you all. Could you maybe find a career that enables you to work from home? Your situation is one that most women find themselves in looking after kids and elderly parents and working.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2017): It is not wrong to want to be a house-wife. Many women (or even men these days "house husbands") may choose to stay at home and be the primary care-takers at home. Being a house-wife and primary care giver for hubby and/or children is a full-time occupation! There is no holiday from this and no 9-5 hours.
Women had limited choices in the workplace in prior generations and many were forced into stay at home positions, the difference now is, women have a choice. It is the power of having a choice which I believe is one of the goals of feminism, that allows you either option.
Your future spouse has to be on-board and you may have very traditional gender-based roles in marriage (something to think about and be prepared for). How to bring it up? Obviously this is not a first date convo topic. You have to see if your values align and you are compatible on this issue. Many men prefer women who can stand on their own two feet, and there are others who may prefer a more traditional relationship where they are the main providers.
Lastly, I would say financial independence has a very high value. Not being fully dependent on anyone for your living is invaluable IMO.Think about the pros and cons of both; part-time occupation and business or work from home are also possibilities rather than absolutes.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2017):
 I think it's wrong to want to be a housewife. In this day and age, where you have the opportunity to be a free human being, why would anyone want to enter a cage?
I don't think you actually want to be a housewife, with all that it implies of limited freedom and limited ability to control your own life and being stuck in the house and not even being able to buy yourself a new shirt without permission from your husband.
I think what you mean to say is that you foresee limited working capabilities. If having children will keep you from work, maybe it's because there are no proper solutions for kindergardens where you live, or work policies make it impossible to combine work and raising children. Many women in Norway face the same problem, and they work part time as a result.
But the problem is that this is a good solution for there here and now, but a terrible solution for the future. Marriages end. Divorces happen. Then what? What if your husband dies? Then what? You'd be without any money, any way of making your own money, and you'd be forced to remarry or live in poverty as you grow older. You will make yourself dependent on a mans income. And that is a terrible situation to be in.
It's not morally wrong to be a housewife. It's just very short sighted. I think you should reconsider the implications and what this would mean for your future, and keep in mind what will happen if your husband was to die, or leave you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOp here, I am working full time now and taking care my elderly mom. Which is little hard. I don’t want to leave my mom in any circumstance and wants to have kids as well. I am scare I will be not able to work full time and take care of my kids and Mom. I prefer to be housewife or just work part time. But I don’t know how I discuss with someone when I am dating.
I think men don’t like women’s who wants to housewife.
Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2017): If you're both OK with it, there's nothing wrong. But it it is a position of vulnerability. Choosing to be dependent on someone is really risky. There are no guarantees. I'm not talking just about the possibility of divorce. Life is unpredictable. People die, get sick, lose their jobs. This is something you're partner will be thinking about as well, if he's serious and responsible. Regardless of how you put it, making him a sole provider is putting tremendous responsibility on his shoulders. Especially if you want to throw some kids in the mix. Ideally, we should all take responsibility for ourselves and share responsibility in a couple. Don't forget that he will be looking after not only you and the kids, but your mother as well. You should also ask yourself how would you feel and what would you do, not only if he suddenly leaves you for whatever reason or loses his job, but also if he starts treating you differently because you're not contributing financially and it's starting to burden him. What if he starts belittling you and you have no place to go? No money. No prospects. You should also think about what kind of relationship you two have. If he's someone who'd gladly have you cook, clean, raise kids for him... well it is a red flag. At least for me. The less choices you have, the more he's in control (and there's no way to predict how he'll (ab)use this control). The tricky part is that time passes and all the energy that you have poured into being a housewife is not something you can put on CV when looking for a job.This is just some food for thought and hopefully you could use some of it when you talk to him.There is not a "nice way" to tell this to your partner. Sorry, but it strongly smells of manipulation. You cannot talk him into supporting you financially. You can be direct and clear and give him time to think. Just make sure that you're not doing this out of fear of what's out there. The scariest thing is not "out there", it's in ourselves and it only grows if we let it.Good luck!
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