A
female
age
41-50,
*ndecided79
writes:i've been separated for almost 3 years now. my husband says he will divorce me but hes been saying that for 2 years and still no divorce. i wont do it because i wanted to get back together he didnt. but i feel like he took advantage of that. he never moved back in with me and our children. i think i did just about everything i possibly could to try to change his mind but nothing worked. so gradually after all this time i am ok with his decision to want to divorce me. i just dont believe he could be that way with me after 10 years of marraige. but like i mentioned earlier i feel ok with what he wants to do. my question is. is it wrong for me to start dating since im still married?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Why is he refusing to divorce you?And if you're over him, then as long as whoever you date knows your situation and trusts you, then I don't see a problem.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 March 2010):
 If you are thinking of dating then you are committed to the divorce. You are "over him". Your question shouldn't be whether or not to date, it should be how to wrap up the divorce. You don't want to start dating until you get the paper work done. Dating now could compromise your position in any divorce proceedings. Best thing would be to file a no fault divorce together. He seems to be a bit cleaver in waiting though he may try to attach blame for the divorce on you in order to avoid alimony or child support. Every month you put off pushing for the final divorce is a month he doesn't pay his share of your children's support.
You don't mention any pressing need to date, so take your time and do it right. In some states adultery on your part would rule out alimony.
FA
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 March 2010):
No, it's not wrong to start dating since you are separated. But given that you are not quite over him, I'd suggest that you focus on that first. I think you need to try and finalize this divorce. I don't know how it is in the US, but in the UK you can get a divorce after two years. So it might be worth talking to a lawyer. Then focus on yourself and what you want from your life. If you're not totally over him, you need to spend time alone focusing on yourself before you can really get too close to anyone. When you're ready, you'll find the right guy.
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