A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a partner of 7yrs with 2 children,we broke up recently and he moved out and went back home to live with his mum, he is 41.He eventually came back and decided he wanted to make up, he then tells me he has decided to go on night shift and continue to live at home with his mum, i work evenings so he wanted to look after our children, it didn't seem a bad idea at the time but i wasn't 100% happy with it. Its now been 3 months and things have declined drastically, we spend no time at all as a couple he moans constantly about being tired, our relationship consists of 2 evenings a week, we see each other for 45 mins a day. I feel as though he never gave our relationship any thought when changed his hours,i think his mum would of encouraged him with it as she lives alone. We recently have a huge argument and i told him how i felt. I dont see a future for us as a couple, his mum was recently diagnosed with lung cancer which has added to the strain, i feel terrible for causing him more stress but it as if he delibratly went on night shift so he could continue to live there and of course i understand when someone is ill you want to be there for them but some comments he has made such as he trying to get her to get the loft converted so he can store her stuff when she gone and that she s leaving him the house and all these plans he has for the house. And i feel sick with him cause he will end up living there a lonely man in his forties. Is it wrong for me to not make up with him and to let him and his mum get on with.Not sure exactly where me and the kids fit in anymore.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 No its not wrong of you to feel like this, you just feel like you want to give up and nobody can really blame you for feeling like that, but take five minutes out and ask yourself do you love this man? Are you in love with him? and do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? If you do then with his help you need to try and overcome these issues.
Ok so it will be hard first of because he probably wont want to leave his mother at this stage now she has been diagnosed with cancer, is it terminal? Sit down with him again and tell him that you are there for him if he needs to talk to anyone and that you know he must be devestated over his mother and that you do feel for him, but you also need to ask him were you and the children fit in to this and were does he see himself in the future, ask him has he any plans to move back in with you and the children or is he going to be living at his mothers permanently these are all questions that you need answers to before you can make up your mind about leaving him or not. Goodluck and all the best in the future.
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