A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I'm in a weird dilema...Me and this girl were good friends. And she had a boyfriend. She graduated last year and me and her boyfriend and our mutual friend started hanging out a lot, since she wasn't at school, her and her boyfriend weren't always together. This was nothing more than a platonic relationship between 3 friends. but then, my friend and her bf got caught at his house and were forced to break up, and they couldn't talk to each other, at all. So then he started really confiding in me, because i understood what he was going through. But then, she started not talking to me, because there were rumors going around that we were flirting and there was something going on. Now, at this time, it was still a platonic relationship. However, our mutual friend was annoyed because he felt ignored by us, and so he stopped talking to us. So it was just us hanging out all the time, since all my friends were mad at me for betraying my other friend. But this guy was my friend too! A better friend than her actually...but so then...everything was hunky dory, until i actually started developing feelings for him. Now I like him, he likes me, and nobody agrees with the relationship (it is a secret love right now, but i think people can tell there is something...).I don't know what to do. Is it wrong for me to like him, because he is my friends ex? I'm falling faster and faster for him...he is the greatest guy ever!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply, I appreciate it.After I realized she was angry with me, I talked to her and reassured her that those were only rumors. However, she didn't take my word, she took everybody else's and still didn't talk to me. Now, I feel bad for getting mad at that, because I have feelings for him now, but at the time I didn't. It wasn't even a twinkle in my eye. This leads me to believe that even if I were to cut all contact from this guy, our friendship would not mend. So I don't know what to do. I know that even if me and this guy were to have a relationship, it wouldn't happen for a while. Until she moved on, got over the breakup...I thought about it, and I would be mad if a friend went after my very recent ex, but after a while, after I got over it, I wouldn't care. So would it be ok if we just wait a while? The way I see it, if we wait, and we still have feelings, say at the end of this school year, I would think the relationship would be worth pursuing...I just don't know what to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply, I appreciate it.After I realized she was angry with me, I talked to her and reassured her that those were only rumors. However, she didn't take my word, she took everybody else's and still didn't talk to me. Now, I feel bad for getting mad at that, because I have feelings for him now, but at the time I didn't. It wasn't even a twinkle in my eye. This leads me to believe that even if I were to cut all contact from this guy, our friendship would not mend. So I don't know what to do. I know that even if me and this guy were to have a relationship, it wouldn't happen for a while. Until she moved on, got over the breakup...I thought about it, and I would be mad if a friend went after my very recent ex, but after a while, after I got over it, I wouldn't care. So would it be ok if we just wait a while? The way I see it, if we wait, and we still have feelings, say at the end of this school year, I would think the relationship would be worth pursuing...I just don't know what to do.
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A
male
reader, LonelyButNotAlone +, writes (18 November 2008):
 All's fair in love and war... but you shouldn't be inconsiderate of your friend's feelings about it.
If your friend and her ex parted on bad terms, you're essentially creating a problem by trying to remain friends with her whilst developing a romantic relationship with him.
You should try speaking with your friend about it. And assuming she has a problem with your seeing him... is this guy possibly worth destroying your friendship over?
Men commonly say "Bros before hoes." Does this work in reverse, as well?
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