A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so here goes. I met this girl last summer when I went to another city for a work term. She was really nice, we became friends and all but I never did ask her out because we were working together, and because I knew I would have to leave at the end of the summer for school, and I kind of regretted that. So now we both live in different cities, we've occasionally talked online a bit but I've been thinking about actually telling her how I feel and if she wanted to somehow start a long distance relationship. Would that be a good idea or should I just let it go and try and move on even though I've been trying to do that since then? How would I even tell her?Thanks for any help,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): If you are feeling that you want to be with her then you should at least try. You'll always regret it if you don't.
Long distance can work but I agree that there has to be a lot of trust and you both have to truly want it to work.
I know a lot of people that have had successful long distance relationships and I've been in one for over a year and 1/2. It's difficult not being with the other person, but if you communicate often through the phone, emails, letters, it can actually strengthen your relationship. Also, if this does work for you, I recommend using skype. It's nice to see your partner's face everyday :) Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Britt 429 made an excellent post. It does take strong honest people to do a long distance thing. And mistrust, jealousy and control are all major major issues.In my experience long distance just doesn't work, but it might for you. Admittedly, I wasn't trusting enough to make it work in my case. So if you really trust this girl, that will be the main issue I think. Because when you start to doubt, what then? You really have to know yourself well and know what your thought process will be. The possibilities of what she could be doing at any given time are just so wide ranged from a distance. But if you [and her] can stave off the these demons, then it could, in theory, work.Its just harder than a up close relationship and I think that can be considered fact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): I can only go by my own experience with an LDR...and it sucks! In the beginning it was wonderful! I flew across the country to see him. He flew here to see me...we talked on the phone for 4-5 hours a night, sent emails, and were both very happy a year went by, I had put in for a transfer with my company so I could be close to him...I even started packing up some of my things for the coming move...then, it started...jealousy, distrust, control, and just all around Red Flags! It got to the point I didn't look forward to his calls anymore...it was dying a slow death. Finally I ended it.
It takes strong, honest, trusting people to survive an LDR, and there are a lot of things to consider. How distant are you? How often would it be possible to see each other?
Just weigh the pros and cons and make a decision.
I wish you luck with whatever you decide!
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A
female
reader, CaliGrown09  +, writes (10 April 2009):
 I am actually going through the same thing. Let me tell you about my situation before helping you out cause this is how i can relate. My sister lived on a marine base with her husband last summer, i visited them for 2 months. I meet a friend of their's & started liking him & actually hooked up. they left for iraq right when summer ended for 7 months & we talked here & there. he just recently came back & we still keep in contact but not enough to be really serious, kind of like your situation you know.. right now i'm thinking if i should just not expect anything of him & just move on or if he wants the same thing i do. i'm old fashioned, so i think the guy should step up to the plate if he feels anything for a woman. which is what i think you should do so you know for sure what she wants, instead of driving yourself crazy thinking about what COULD HAVE happened. if she accepts & you guys start talking more & more, i think you guys would make it to a strong enough point for a long distance relationship because now you guys know how you feel about each other.
& if you were to tell her, dont tell her right off the bat when you start talking to her, kind of maneuver the topic into something your talking about, start out with something like, "so i've been thinking about this.." & then tell her what you have to tell her.
hope this helps : )
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Nobody can tell you if it's worth starting a long distance relationship with this girl or not. We'd have to know exactly how you feel about her and how she feels about you. It's a gut feeling i think.. your heart knows what would be right for you and what wouldn't, so you need to trust it. Don't listsen to your head.. it might tell you that it wouldn't be a good idea because it would be difficult.. This is purely a heart and gut thing. I started dating who is now my husband two weeks before he left for four months with the army.. then he came back for half a year and i married him a week and a half before he was supposed to be deployed for a year. My head would have put up red flags and told me not to do that.. that i would be spending a lot of time alone and miserable.. but my heart fell in love and i couldn't happier that i decided to wait for him. And as far as telling her.. just be straight forward. It can't be too hard over the phone.. she can't see you feeling nervous or turning red.. :)
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