A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was in college, a guy that I was friends with suddenly started showing interest in me and finally asked me out… all in a span of one month. We had a summer break then and were in different cities. He called me up to ask me out and I said yes because I was mildly interested. However, he became too serious too soon. Within the first week, he started talking about sex, marriage, kids, changes I should make to myself, how I should dress, making me talk to his friends and all that. Now I am not saying all of these were bad things to do to a person but it was just too much too soon and said in a not so nice manner! He constantly talked about his interactions with other girls (to see if I was jealous, which I never was because I didn’t think I needed to be) and how someone else loved him more than I did (which I guess was true but hardly a thing to say to your girlfriend). Well, as i found out, he was not exactly Mr Nice Guy.The stupidest thing I did was tell him that I didn’t know what love was but if it were not to see someone hurt then I did love him. Anyway, all of this put me off completely and I told him that may be we should give the “relationship” a rest for a while. However, he called me and kept talking about how he knew I was going to break up with him for sure and it was just a matter of time. So one day, I called him and told him that it was over and there was no future for us. He called me a couple of times but it was over for me. Back to college, we chatted for a while and he told him how I had ‘used him’ (I didn’t do anything of that sort! All we ever did was talk on the phone! and mostly about him...) When I said I was sorry but wanted nothing to do with him, he started avoiding me and I didn’t talk to him as to not have him think that I was rethinking my decision. He fell ill in between and I honestly had no idea how serious it was so didn’t do anything. Apparently, he was devastated with me breaking up with him (though he always talked about other girls before all of this started and our relationship lasted only a month). We had a common group of friends and it became uncomfortable and I eventually moved out since I was not happy with them anyway. So, I had my own group and have been very happy with them. However, the cherry on this a mess of a cake is that we have ended up working at the same place and we don’t talk to each other. AT ALL. It is very awkward. It’s been four years and I am guessing he must be over it by now (even though he hasn’t had a gf since). He talks and kind of flirts with other women (as much as you can at workplace without getting sued for harassment). My only problem is that it is very noticeable that we don’t talk to each other. Should I try to talk to him at all and try to bury the hatchet? I don’t want him thinking that I like him, I don’t want to be his ‘friend’; and I certainly don’t want him to use this as an opportunity to tell me to go to hell. Or should I just let it be?
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at work, flirt, jealous, moved out, workplace Reply to this Question
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male
reader, $izZle +, writes (1 August 2010):
 to be honest with you gal, I personally think that he has a lot of psychological challenges that he needs to get over lol 1 week is too short of a time to know a person .... and this guy starts talking about marriage ... its a good thing that you are away from him now so just stay that way don't talk to him. I can't picture a man who talks about other women who love him more than you in a devastated condition... I don't think a man who loves you would ever compare your love to another woman and if he does then he doesn't love you ... as plain and simple as that and i do think that you need to think before you say sorry coz you don't have to apologize to a man like that who just finds you and in about a weeks time tells you that he loves you and starts talking to you about marriage and blah...love doesn't grow on trees (. ) it takes time to know some1 enough to say i love you .... trust me sweaty its a good thing that you are not with him and forget him don't talk to him just let it go ... things will be back time will heal all ... wishing you luck :) take care ...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): Wow..this guy sounds like he has the makings of every girl's dating nightmare! If this work situation is making you uncomfortable, is it possible to move on to a new job? Listen, you're right. By the way you described him in your posting..he's just not a emotionally healthy guy, as you later found out. But trying to 'bury the hatchet' for what happened between you two is a lost cause, you owe him absolutely nothing. He sounds insecure and very emotionally needy and he possibly has the makings of an abusive, controlling person. I would steer clear of this fellow. I feel that trying to speak with him again, would be just giving him the idea, that he can wreak havoc, on your life again. If you allow him back in your life, he will eventually park himself on your doorstep. My suggestion...keep that door closed and try hard to be strong, ignore him completely and do your job. You were in a pretty bad relationship with him and you found the strength to acknowledge his poor traits. That was smart of you. This is not an easy thing for some women to do, especially as many female's self-esteem is badly weakened after dating a guy like this. Keep stoic, strong-don't talk with him, be overjoyed he is out of your life, and really consider getting your job resume into some other places for a new job. Good luck
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A
female
reader, bronxchica20  +, writes (1 August 2010):
 well from what i read..he seems like an ass..second i think you should just leave it as it is..seriously i rather not have a monkey on my back..when it wasn't gonna work if all he spoke of was of himself..he needs to seriously move on..and u shouldn't make the first move when you didn't do anything wrong to him and i agree on that part he gonna think your into him nowgood luck with your decision
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