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Is it worth it to see if he's really changed?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *lare123 writes:

hi guys

last time i wrote on here was about a year ago wen i was getting over an ex that broke my heart out of the blue after cheating on me with another girl, and then chose her.he lied alot and then cheated on her with me bt again chose her when i told her what had happen.

since then i hav moved on and after loosing weight and gaining really good friendships, and having closer realtionship with my mum life was really good. i did things that i would have never done if i was with him and made my self proud of things i had achieved.

about 5 months he split with his ex and becuase we have mutual friends we have seen alot of each other recently, ther has been a few months of him declaring his love for me and telling me loosing me was the worst mistake of his life and that he really has changed and he would do anything to prove it to me.

we have slept together a few times since wen hes visited me and our friends (im at uni, hes on placement)but i have ignored him telling me he loves me and told him i will never trust him agen and that too much happened, but we get on so well and the sex is amazing.

im worried that by sleeping with him i fall for jim agen and get hurt agen but we cant seem to keep away from each other, sometimes i believe wot he says but then i remember what he put me through and that he is a very good liar and is a massive flirt.

is it worth seeing what he will do to prove he really has always loved me and has grown up. oram i just wishing something that will never happen???

sorry for being so long but i could write a book on this relationship lol

any comments wud be really helpful xxxxx

View related questions: flirt, his ex, liar

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A female reader, clare123 United Kingdom +, writes (6 February 2009):

clare123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

yeh i realised this just afterwards n thort, oh dear that doesnt makes me sound very gud haha x

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A female reader, clare123 United Kingdom +, writes (3 February 2009):

clare123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

pvtguy, thatnks for ur view on this wot is a fwb?? thort fb was fuck buddy, but wot does the w stand for!lol

i know that sleeping with him is giving him want he wants but to be honest im looking after myself and thinking wot to iwant right now, and i want gud sex with a friend wivout having to have a relationship.

and thanks or the sti tip think i will ask more about his previous partners, and his recent sexual health, is ther a better way of asking a guy this wivout being mean or offensive about it?

also cud i have a female opinion on the recent situation i just discussed so i have more insight

thanks guys xxxxxx

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A female reader, clare123 United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2009):

clare123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks guys, to be honest I knew what people would say in response because it's exacty what my good friends wud say! but as most people I don't wanna hear he hasn't changed and believe him but I do know you're all right telling me to stay clear.

This sounds a bit pathetic but I want to know your honest views on what I have to say now.

I haven't fallen for him again (and am hoping I won't) I enjoy his company as a friend because I did forget about what he did purely so I could move on without any hate because he's the one you will never be happy if this is the way he treats people he says he loves.

I also enjoy the sex and he is doing a lot for me recently like taking me for meals wen he visits me and gifts ect. I've told him I just wanna be friends and the sex is good but will never be with him because I don't trust him.

Is it bad that all I want him now for is sex, company and nothing serious because I'm at uni in 3rd year and contentrating on my work, I haven't got time to find someone new or have a relationship so just want sex without having to go out and being a slag.

Is this a bad idea or am I just getting what I want sex, nothing serious fun and friendship (he lives 4 hours away as well so I can't see myself falling for it) I also think I've learnt a lot from the pain I went through and what sort of person he is so I'm just getting what I want from him now.

Honest opinion guys, good idea bad idea? If I'm the one in control??

xxxxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009):

i wouldnt trust him, if he cheated and then chose her over you then he couldnt have had much respect for what you had together. It sounds like he wants you back now because he sees you happy and enjoying your life, that will change if you go back to him, as could you trust him 100%? and live with his flirting?, and then once those issues appear, it wont be long before he is looking elsewhere. bottom line is he chose her and it diddnt work out, dont take him back, he made his bed let him lie in it.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2009):

I really think you should do yourself a favour and not sleep with him until you have made your mind up one way or the other.

You are hurting yourself and leading him on that there is a chance.

You can either jump in, take a chance, trust him again and hope for the best. OR you can just avoid spending time with him, tell him it is over for good, NOT sleep with him and try to move on and find someone else.

The logical choice is to end it. He hurt you so badly that you may not be able to trust him, and what's to say he will not do it again?

But your feelings may not follow logic and you may want to risk heartbreak (and it will be worse this time) and go for it.

I wouldn't be able to forgive and forget personally and I would dump him and try to just see him as a bloke who is friends with some of your friends. Have fab rebound snogging with some other guy and move on.

Good Luck!! xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009):

Keep having a casual relationship with him, but if you're falling for him again then back off, because you know he's gonna break ur heart again.

Hope this helps =]

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