A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hooked up with a friend recently and I want to keep doing something no-strings-attached, but he's sending mixed signals. He's always seemed interested, but for most of the time we knew each other I had feelings for other men and basically ignored his advances. He's known for a while that I've had a huge crush on one of his friends, and it was only when I got upset and realized that things weren't going to work with his friend that I ended up hooking up with this guy, telling him that it would only be a one-time thing that he can't tell anyone about. Afterwards, at first he was very sweet every time we ran into each other and seemed more interested than before. I wasn't sure how to act, though, and at a party one weekend was basically kind of mean to him while flirting heavily with his friend who I had feelings for. He became pretty distant, and when I texted and called him suggesting that we should hang out and do stuff, he basically turned me down, saying that he was busy or that he had other plans. I saw him again in person later and he was really nice, but he hasn't called me back. Spring Break is coming up, so I won't see him again until after that. I know he doesn't want a relationship, but neither do I. I'm over his friend, though, and want to have some fun with this guy. Is it worth apologizing and/or clarifying things, or is he clearly not interested and should I just move on?
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female
reader, jc82  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 One rejection could have several different meanings, like you mentioned, he could actually be busy/a little confused. I don't think two weeks is too long to wait for a second attempt, I actually think giving it some time is a good idea. You have to remember, he has your number too. If he really wanted to get in touch, he would. But, there might be some small things making him hesitate. If I were you, I would let a little time pass, try once more (with a kind of apology/explanation) and if he doesn't respond then, let it go.
Best of luck to you!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 He has been hurt and he has build walls around his heart.I think he does not have a good perception of you and will avoid you if he can.He has decided that you are not the one for him.
If you think that he is worth the relationship, you would have to warmth his icy heart by apologizing and clarifying things with him and treat him better.
Otherwise, there is no necessity to apologize or explain your actions to him .He is history.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): This is the OP. I should probably clarify a little bit. What I said about not wanting a relationship comes mainly from the fact that he's said he doesn't. I think a better way to put it might be that I wouldn't expect any sort of committed, exclusive relationship from him. When I asked him to hang out, I hinted pretty heavily at hooking up again. I guess at this point I don't know if I should interpret his response as1) He's just too busy 2) He's not interested and/or thinks I'm being clingy3) He's upset/confused/frustrated about my own mixed signals Should I ask him to hang out one more time before break, or wait until afterwards and see? Would it be too late after another two weeks?
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A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (16 March 2010):
I think an apology and an attempt at a discussion couldn't hurt anything. You can at least try and figure out where he is at, and maybe things will match up for the two of you somehow. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 March 2010):
I would suggest that you move on. He most likely thinks he's second best and anything you say won't change his mind, because the truth is you preferred his friend and he knows it. The best thing you can do is move on from this now.
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A
male
reader, CharmedNoodles +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Well,first things first he probably was still upset when you were mean to him,and I do believe apologising and starting anew could and probably is the best thing rite now. Though is seems you do not want a relationship,correct? and he does not want one? wrong.In your heart you like him alot,and he probably likes you too,only one way to find out is to go straight forawrd and see.If you did not want a relationship with him you would not be still wanting him in your life.Many people miss out on great relationships in their life because they think too much,you THINK you don't want a relationship,but you need to consult with your heart,not your brain.Don't move on just yet,go at it first,try,you only get one shot,what do you have to lose? In this situation,with you being the woman,you'll be gaining.Think about it,think thorough,dont just stop for 5 minutes and say ok I've made up my mind.Take a day or two and think it through.Then you can either get back to me when ur done thinking or if youknow you do not want a relationship or if you don't want to get back to me at all.Just follow your heart.
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