A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why does age difference have to be an issue after you turn 18? Say I'm 19 and he's 39? Why does work have to be an issue when your both single and its only a seasonal job so you only see the other in the summer or winter? If I were to work a seasonal job in the winter and hook up.. As in make out.. with a full time higher up in the summer why should their job be at risk when we are both single and not its not while I am working and hes on duty?Why does there have to be so many rules to it?What do I do if I want to attract the attention of this man twice my age and is all the above. Someone above me in the winter but don't work with in the summer but still staff because I have an employee number? Is there anything wrong with liking a man that is so much older than me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 There is nothing wrong with liking a man older than you per say, but where the problems lie is in terms of the difference in maturity levels, life experiences and desires in life. Where a 39 year old man will be wanting to get married and settle down (unless he has already been married before and possibly has children) whereas you as a 19 year old will be working part time to get some cash while you are at college/school and you are just starting out in life.
Between the ages of 18 and 22 your life will change beyond all recognition - it is the time when you are just finding your feet in the world. It is the time when you are studying or embarking on your career....you dont know where life is going to take you at that age.
So this man, aged 39, will have already been through that and wont want to get involved with a teenager who is going through a period in life where everything changes.
From the way you write it seems like this is your opinion "I am attracted to this 39 year old man who I work with and I want to make out with him". His stance on the matter (from what you have written) is "I dont want to hook up with a teenager who I work with because it could cause problems at work and it will damage my reputation with co-workers".
So as you can see there is a big difference in maturity here - you are thinking about yourself and what you want, whereas he is considering the bigger picture.
While work relationships happen all the time, the problem is that often they can get complicated and this man will know this. If you break up, it makes things awkward and the work environment becomes unpleasant. If you are dating - it will be frowned upon by others and his seniors as he is so much older than you, so his colleagues will think that he is taking advantage of you (that might not be the case but that is how it will seem to the outside world). If he works full time at this company then this is his main source of income, his career and his life. He wont want to put that in jeopardy for some 19 year old girl! It doesnt matter what time or where the relationship is carried out - generally other employees will find out and it will become an issue for him, whereas it is only a seasonal job to you so it is not a big deal.
You cant force this man to be attracted to you or want to take things further - he is acting like a sensible adult in this situation and you are acting like a petulant teenager. Stop wasting your time on a man you cant get - that is the only reason you want him anyway! Its the forbidden fruit - the more you are told you cant have something the more you want it! This man is only thinking of his career and his reputation, there is no harm in that and it is the correct attitude to have. You should leave him alone and try and find someone of your own age to make out with - after all there are plenty of teenage guys and guys in their early 20's who would love to make out with any girl that comes along.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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