A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it weird that I want to be friends with one of my closest friend's bf? They've been going out for a month, and I just met him. I just feel like him and I have so much in common, more then they have in common. Like we like music and art, but my friend doesn't as much. I told her that I wanted the three of us to hang out more and go to concerts and work on art and things like that, but she was a little upset. I was really honest with her, I told her that I thought he was attractive but that I wasn't trying to take him or anything. And when she asked if I wanted to hang out with him alone and if they broke up would I still be friend with him. I know she was feeling insecure but I wanted to be honest and I said yes. Is that bad and am I being weird? I just think he's really cool and I think he would make a great friend. She's also important to me and I want to be part of her life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): I don't think you are a good friend. I would not want to hang with you if you said that to me.
Currently me and my best friend are dating two boys who are friends as well. And we are ALL friends. And she talks and hangs with the guy I am dating and I don't mind. But she is my friend first and foremost and I KNOW that she has absolutely no interest in my guy as she is head over heels with her own guy. But they do get along real well and have grown to be pretty good friends themselves. But frankly we all are.
So I am familiar and open minded to situations like these. But the way you talk about your friend is very questionable. "I just think he's really cool and I think he would make a great friend. She's also important to me and I want to be part of her life."
You don't sound like you really care about your friend all that much. Like me and my friend hang with these boys but they KNOW that we are inseperable. And I think they find that charming. Men like women who are true friends to their girlfrends. It shows that you will be loyal to him.
I think you have a crush on this boy. And I also don't think you are a very good friend to this girl. Her feelings come first. And you are basically saying that you don't care how she feels.
At the end of the day you will probably end up with no friend and no guy. And probably a bad reputation which will make it harder to make new friends.
I kinda hope something does happen to open your "friends" eyes up to your true nature so that she can move on and find better people to hang with.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Very thin ice you're treading on. I don't think you're being honest with yourself about this. It doesn't sound like you really have any interest in being friends, you just want to date him. You should stay away. You're saying some very telling things such as, he would be better with you than her, you two have more in common, etc... And I think you know that if they break up so he can date you, your friendship will likely end. It's understandable she is uncomfortable with you two spending time together. If you value your friendship, you should stay away from him and not talk about how you like him and find him attractive with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): how would feel if you had a boyfriend and your best friend was hitting on him? Also oppsit attract so you do not have to have thing in common to be with each other, its better you have diffrent outlook and this way you learn a lot move.
I say that your harmons are taking over, you shall loose your best friend, infact what you did did not even qualify you as a friend...
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 March 2011):
 That's a dangerous line to walk. It's not bad, but it's not good either. She will likely never be comfortable if you two do hang out alone together, and it WILL cause problems for their relationship.
Which one is more important to you, your friend or her BF?
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