A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, another internet dating question. If you are talking to more than one guy, is it usual for guy 1 to ask you if you've got any other dates lined up?Basically guy 1 chatted to me for ages, and when I asked to meey.him he ssid he would if he were not working. (He's been working nights) He kept in touch, a lot of nice messages, but no firm offer of a date.I decided to keep looking. Guy 2 appears and we have a short chay. I say, 'hey Guy2, you seem nice and I'm really not into spending ages chatting online. Do you want to meet up for a drink?' Guy 2 and I are now going for a drink tomorrow. Now guy1 has contacted me again and asking how the dating is going? Have I got anything lined up?So I told him yes, I'm meeting someone tomorrow. He then ssys,'where are you going?' I thought it was maybe too much detail to ask? Anyway I said I was meeting guy2 for coffee. Guy1 says, 'oh I hope you have a really nice time. Otherwise we'll go out for a few drinks sometime. Let me know how it goes. 'Is this usual, for guys you're dating to ask about other guys you may be dating. I'm clueless, need your input here please. To me it feels a bit too much information Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 guy one is a time waster and is just chatting you up to waste his time and yours... don't give him a second thought.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (25 October 2013):
I have used online dating and my initial gut reaction is Guy #1 is one of those married or already committed men who use dating sites to boost their ego or test the waters before they leave. Of course, it's just a hunch.
However what I DO know is that if guy #1 was serious about dating - he would have asked you out already. There is ALWAYS time. A coffee in the afternoon, etc.
As for asking about other dates, I found in general guys would use it as a conversation starter "how is this site treating you?""meet any crazies". But NEVER personal info like "where are you going?". If you are on a dating site, it is assumed you are dating -- going out with a few people until you find one.
Stop chatting w guy #1. Something is off.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 October 2013):
 If Guy 1 doesn't actually have the schedule to date the women he talks with on the dating site then he's a time-waster. Ignore him, and do NOT give him any more personal information.
If Guy 1 turns out to be Guy 2 waiting to catch you out on some imagined slight, then it is time to find a better dating site, seriously.
I personally would say 'nice chatting with you, Guy 1, clearly this isn't going beyond the chatting stage and so I will say good bye and good luck to you.' And then I would block him and not spend one minute more worrying about a guy who isn't actually available.
Make sure you take the reasonable precautions of meeting up with an online date set up, tell people where you are going, drive yourself there and have a friend nearby if things go badly.
PS Guy 1 is a big old time waster. Don't feel badly about 'letting him down.'
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 October 2013):
 Guy No 1 KNOWS that he could have "struck while the iron was hot"... and didn't do so....
You owe him not a whit of an explanation of every-/anything else that is going on in your life..... He snoozed, he loozed....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 October 2013):
 I think it's OK to ask and you did the right thing, you told the truth.
Basically #1 is telling you that if #2 doesn't work out for more dates, to give him a "poke" and he will take you out on a date.
Yes, asking where is none of his business, but again you handled it perfectly. A coffee date means a short date (normally) to see if a "real" date is warranted. I think it's ALWAYS smart to have that first "coffee date" - just to see how YOU feel. And because there are PLENTY of guys who uses the date-sites to find sex-hook ups.
Don't feel bad about #1 - he COULD have asked you out already.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2013): Since I've never dated online, I don't know if it's usual, but it IS a reasonable question.Guy1 doesn't seem ready to meet you in person. It COULD be because you told him you were chatting with other guys (if you did), or it could mean that he's fine right where the relationship is so far.guy1 sounds like he wants to be able to catch a glimpse of you before you meet in person, at least that's how I interpret his question. Sounds like Guy1 isn't interested in meeting you or dating you if you are dating someone else too.I ran into this a few times from the other end. I felt it was a reasonable to ask if the person I wanted to date was dating other people too. To me (and no one HAS to feel like I do), dating other people at the same time is a deal-breaker. I just have always felt like they were saving me (or someone else!) for later in case "it didn't work out". Does Guy1 or anyone NEED to know specifically where/when/who? No. It's fine to be evasive but it sounds like he wants to make sure that he's the only one you're seeing. I just hope you find a guy who is cool with being one of several people you are dating.
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