A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:I'm in a new relationship and this will be the third week. We sort of jumped right into it, so there are still a lot of kinks and problems we need to sort out. This is also my first relationship.A major problem that I'm confused about is that 2/3 times I see him, I'm always with his group of friends. That or we're at a party or gathering. I understand that because this is a new thing, his first relationship since he was in middle school and my very first, that this is new and exciting. He wanted me to meet all his friends and whatever.But it's wearing me down. I am overwhelmed. Just last year I suffered from an anxiety attack and couldn't even look my own mother in the eye. Now I am being dragged to all these social gatherings. And I try my very best to be polite and likable with his friends.Just recently we had a talk about this. And it got a little dramatic. He promised me we'll try to work things out. But I don't know.Am I being unreasonable? I thought it was normal for couples to want to spend most of their time alone together. After all, I'm dating him, not his friends. It feels like this sometimes.I question why he wants a girlfriend in the first place, or whether he sees me for who I am. He's frustrated that I'm not more socialable and it gets me angry to the point of tears after how hard I've tried, it still isn't enough for him.Isn't it normal for a couple to spend most of their time together, alone? I don't expect him to be around my friends all the time. We had a mini talk, but I'm not sure if he'll listen or take into account what we said.I mean, am I wrong? Is what I'm asking for unreasonable? Or do we just want different things? I feel, on my part, I want a normal healthy relationship and I can't understand why anyone would want to date just so they can show them off and say , "HEY LOOK THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND. She's going to be one of us now!"I don't know. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lifeasweknowit +, writes (4 July 2010):
Personally it's a great thing he wants yuh to meet his friends and have them around yuh. Being yinz first relationship (in awhile) being alone makes it nerve racking and alil awkward. Take your time and ease him from his friends one at a time. Yuh don't want to look controlling and what not. And if all else fails take one of his taken guy friends see if those two are a couple yuh like and double it up. But to awenser your question now I don't believe your being unreasonable.
A
female
reader, QZ +, writes (4 July 2010):
 It's normal to spend some time with friends, but I agree that you're dating HIM and not his FRIENDS. Talk to him about this politely, and also add that you're feeling a little overwhelmed. No matter what, you need to take care of yourself, and if you had an anxiety attack not too long ago you'll want to try and not push yourself, especially if they're his friends and not yours.
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