A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 and have been with my boyfriend just over half a year. Just over a year ago, he broke up with his current girlfriend of about 4 years because he says he didn't have feelings for her for the last 2 years of their relationship and just stayed with her as he was confused. He has told me that during their relationship, she was completely obsessed with him and this continued after they broke up. She text him everyday for 6 months and was still texting him when we started dating. He has not spoken to her at all since we've been together but a couple of months ago we argued a lot about her as I continued to find photos on his phone of her/postcards from her in his drawer and he exaggerated contact he had with her in the first few weeks of our relationship. I 100% believe him that he is over her and wants nothing to do with her despite all of this but I still find her existence incredibly threatening as she is still in love with him. It is my boyfriend's and his twins 21st in a few weeks, and they are having a party. His twin is still really good friends with her and wants her there but I really do not want to meet her. I have told my bf that I do not want her there but I'm afraid his twin will invite her anyway. Am I being unreasonable if I refuse to go if she's going?
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female
reader, dietcoke.1 +, writes (19 March 2011):
I think you are being very reasonable ! That is not on good friend of his brothers or not. She is obviosly a big problem, he needs to sort his prioritys out and his brother needs to see that this is a big issue and needs to choose out of his brothers happiness or one unwelcomed guest.
However if you do not go you may want to have someone keeping an eye on her if shes as stalkery as you make out. You never know what she might try
Its time for your bf to get his prioritys right
Good luck x
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (19 March 2011):
No, I would do the same. Ask your boyfriend to deal with this issue. He has to solve the problem and be sure she is not going. If he refuses to do that you simply skip the party. I'm not telling you to argue with him. If she goes and you don't feel like meeting her, you just refuse to go.
I know a lot of people who would be there and find it totally natural. I know I would never be in a party with my girlfriend and her ex boyfriend. No way.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 I know that if my boyfriend invited his ex to a party I would be uncomfortable. One day my bf thought she's knocking on his door uninvited, I freaked out and said I didn't want to see her at all. Some people would suggest you go so you can show her and other people what a great, happy couple you are. I am more the avoidant type so maybe you can divide the party into two time frames. One group leaves and then you get to celebrate with your bf and his brother. Well, by debating, I still think you can do it. By hiding you only let people know you are insecure. You will make yourself more attractive to your boyfriend if you are open minded and that you trust him enough that he wants only you. What's the worst that can happen? If he really went back to her then your relationship didn't really go too deep and he isn't yours anyway. I find his reason for leaving her is stupid kind of. Rather than fearing and suspecting what might happen in the future, just deal with it head on.
Your boyfriend is still responsible for cutting contact with her. Knowing he's over her is not enough. He's not letting her move on. He may not want her anymore but he likes the attention. I wonder if there are any jokes here saying she didn't mistake his twin brother for your boyfriend. Who knows may be they will fall in love.
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