A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 years old. I am in love with two of my cousins from my fathers side. The first one we will call "Charles". Until recently in December of last year, I confessed to him over the phone that I have found him attractive, he told me he has had feelings for me for years. We talked about it for months. There was a split between me and my boyfriend at the time, so "Charles" came an picked me up and we went back to his home. We both got drunk that night and we both kissed each other and had sex many times that night and then the next day. We still continue to talk and still express how much we still want each other and that we should just disappear and never let anyone know. It really sounds great, but I don't know what to do.Now there is another cousin, we will call him "Tom". Until just two months ago, again I expressed my feeling to him. Again he also shared the same feelings. I came to see him at the beginning of this month. I hung out and got drunk with him and his girlfriend. When we finally became alone, he came to me and we began to make out and do a little touching. I have strong feelings for him as well and I just don't know what I should do. I am also with my boyfriend of 3 years and love him very much, but I am torn between him ad two other people, and the worst part is they are both related to me. I am so lost in which/what I should do about this, just leave it be and stay away from them or not and acted more on one of them.Please give me some help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo babies if I want some adoption. I cant help my feelings, but you are right. I need to grow up... It's just hard to love something that is soooo wrong. I am sure there are many things wrong with me, Maybe it had to do with sexually abused when younger.I guess that could be a real reason there is feelings for family. I have many issues with being abused. Maybe somewhere deep in the back of my head I am afraid to trust or be with someone besides the family, afraid of what will happen again. It happened and THERAPY doesn't help, been there done that, but I thank everyone here for the input, both Positive and Negative.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): I'll bet you can find attractive men fairly easily. You only have one family. Therefore I think you should forget about flings with your cousins so as not to harm your other familial relationships.
You cheated on your bf with your cousin? My guess is you have other issues. Work on them (therapy?) before committing to a guy.
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): Well it does seem like you are going to have to make a choice somewhere along the line. You can't marry all three...in the US...not yet anyway. Who knows? But I think you need to get on with your life and not wait for the law to change, so you'll need to choose. That's if you want to have babies. If not, I suppose continuing to roll in the hay is an option but you need to be extremely careful about preganacy, disease and everybody's feelings.
As far as two of the three being cousins, I suppose you mean first cousins. Otherwise, again if the question is babies, third cousin is thought to be about ideal it makes the healthiest strongest babies. As far as first cousins it's not ideal but it is widespread in the world and probably not as bad a choice as somebody totally unrelated as I'd presume the boyfriend is. Here's a reference.
An Association between Kinship and Fertility of Human Couples Agnar Helgason et al. SCIENCE vol. 329 no. 5864 February 8, 2008 page 813 – 816
You can get it from sciencemag.com for a few bucks, cheap considering how important this is. Read it and make up your mind on the kinship issue.
I wish the four of you the best, although alas I don't quite see how this ends up with four happy people. But who knows? At least you are being honest with your feelings.
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