A
female
age
51-59,
*ubr
writes:is it possible to be truly in love with two men at the same time or am i just nuts..... i met a man 2 1/2 years ago and was totally crazy over him even though we only went out a few times, needless to say he had commitment issues and i just figured he never get over them, so i went on and married a truly wonderful man..but me and the first one never stopped talking, we tried but neither of us could do it, we have met and been intimate and i still get the same silly goose bumps and butterflies that i did when we first met, i think of him every single day try to refrain myself but its hopeless..i am not totally sure how or what he feels for me, but even though he had and still has commitment issues hes unable to stop talking to me as well...someone please help me at times i feel like a horrible person and then at times i just wonder if i settled with the next best thing to him..what should i do??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fubr +, writes (8 July 2009):
fubr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for you answers...and you were right its very confusing,frustrating,etc.....
A
female
reader, PHH +, writes (7 July 2009):
You did settle. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but you already knew that or you wouldn't have asked. You really wanted this other man but he would never settle... not with you. My best friend got married to a man she only liked a little cause the man she wanted wouldn't marry her and didn't want a family. After years of cheating on her husband with this man 2 weeks ago he told her he was getting married & did just that last week. It broke her heart cause in the back of her mind she always thought that one day he would just take her away but in the end he just walked away from her. I think its a womans lot in life to always add that "drama" to our lives. Why can't we just be happy with what we have. I'm not judging cause I have no room to talk. I've been married going on 6 years and more recently I have found myself wondering if I too "settled". I feel like I am falling in love with this wonderful man who is in business with my husband and I. The 3 of us have worked together for the last 4 years and this last year my husband has been gone and this man has really been here for me. In business and personally we seem to be a perfect match but I could not imagine my life without my husband or for that matter my life without this other man. I want them both but I would never want to hurt either one of them. The question you have to ask yourself is "which one really loves you the way you deserve to be loved?" If the man from your past really loves you he would see that this whole senerio is playing havoc on your heart and he wouldn't let it continue: he would walk away or he would take you away!
As a side note I have just come to this conclusion today in fact. Cause I realized today that the other man in my life does love me, not in love with me just love for me. He is my best friend and my husbands best friend and we all need each other to provide a good life for our families. We don't need to be sexual to have a relationship.
So ask yourself which one of these men is gonna listen to you, which one is really gonna understand the way you feel and which one do you want by your side when your old and grey? You unfortunetly can not have both as it has often been pointed out to me by many of my friends over the past year that I have these racing thoughts. Only you have the answer for whats best in your situations. You can feel it when your with them you just chose not to see it cause the power of lust is VERY overwhelming(believe me I know). Listen to that little voice inside you it's known all long it was just waiting for you to listen. Sorry I can be of more help but maybe my experiences will enlighten you!
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 Yes. It is certainly awkward but of course it is possible. Few people have any difficulty accepting that it is possible to be genuinely in love with 2 different men at different times and if you happen to meet both those men at the same time why would it be impossible to love them both? What you have to do about it is a whole different matter though ...
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