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female
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*hallas
writes: I'm currently in a long distance relationship and my boyfiend and I have different oppinions about how much communication is needed in this kind of relationship. So I want to know, am i right in saying that communication is the most important factor and without it the relationship will not work?
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female
reader, nofrills +, writes (11 February 2006):
 For this to work, COMMUNICATION IS KEY!I mean, without it, you are basically stuffed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2006): Yes! Communication is very, very important. Good communication is at the heart of every solid, good healthy relationship, whether it's long distance or not. Whether you've had a good day or a bad day, sharing your joys and sad times, in words is what makes a couple feel more understood, more appreciated, more loved. I would go so far as to say, the ability to communicate well in a love relationship, supercedes everything else..even great sex! I have this belief, that every couple should set aside ten or twenty minutes with each other every day to 'update' as well as talking to each other, in the evenings after a workday. My partner calls me twice a day, everyday from his place of work to mine. Just a quick call but it really bonds us together. In the case of Long-distance, there is no reason to not communicate daily, with all the communication resources/ wizardry out there. (computers, phones, faxes) If one claims to have too busy a life, then I would question their committment. If one likes to communicate more than the other, a compromise should be reached, but make sure concerns are aired and you understand each other. It really can avoid problems down the line.
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female
reader, Jenn46307 +, writes (9 February 2006):
I agree, communication is key. If the two of you cannot talk to each other then you have real problems! I am currently getting out of a relationship in which he and I could not communicate effectively. We where always in turmoil. It really sucked!! I was always afraid of saying certain things to him, afraid of how he would take it. Not a good place to be at all!!! I say if you can't communicate with him, move on!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2006): The key to making long-distance relationships work is to talk honestly and openly about how you feel. Couples often fall into one of the following traps:Let's pretend it's OK - if asked how you are, you both say "I'm OK, everything's fine." Underneath you're both lonely, but are too scared to say in case the other person doesn't understand.It's all right for you - you try to be nice when you talk, but the resentment slips out. You're both convinced your partner's having an easier time of it than you. Underneath you both want reassurance, but fear you'll be rejected.Be honestShare your feelings about the separation - both the positives and the negatives. This will give you the opportunity to really understand each other and give the support and reassurance you both need.Talk about your resentment at the situation rather than at each other and look forward to the time when you're next together.Keep communicatingStaying in touch regularly is the key to surviving a long-distance relationship. * Use a variety of ways of communicating - email, telephone, text message, letter, etc. * Send little gifts - to show how often you think of each other. * Make some surprise calls - make the odd call just to say "I love you." * Send regular pictures - this will help your partner keep a visual record of what you're up to. * Keep a diary - then share it with your partner each time you meet. Beware the reunion anticlimaxWhen you get to see each other again, chances are both of you will have built up great expectations of how fantastic your reunion is going to be. However, the reality often doesn't match up to the fantasy.Many couples feel disappointed and frustrated when things aren't as they'd hoped. You may also find that rather than making love all day there are awkward silences or even arguments.You can prevent this by making sure you've talked about how you want the reunion to be and recognising that the anticipation is often better than the consummation! And remember, it may take time to get used to being around each other again.Absence can make the heart grow fonder when you use the time to show your partner how much they mean to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2006): A relationship is not about how much communication two lovers have, but how determined they are to stay in contact. If one person lived in Australia and the other in the UK, then they could make it work through sheer determination. Plus, you could meet up with him whenever you wanted to, just arrange it with him.
If you don't love him, then you can't force yourself to be determined to stay with him, so finish it. The good thing is, you've got the perfect excuse to finish this relationship :I don't want a long distance relationship. Sorted!
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