A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it true that for many guys they can totally separate sex from any emotion?I was a virgin before my current BF but he's had three casual sex experiences, one of them a one night stand.I don't get how he could have sex with girls he didn't care about, or didn't even know well???To me, sex is something I would only have with someone I know well, someone I trust and someone who cares about me. The fact that he did with those girls what he does with me now (one of them was in the same bed we sleep in!) kills me. He says that the casual sex experiences shouldn't matter now and that they were things he wish he didn't do, that they were mistakes.I know that the past is the past...but to think that my BF has been with these other girls and shared with them what I consider so special really bothers me. How do I deal with this?
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 It's true for some but not all. I learned that I can't for instance.
A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (27 April 2010):
 it is true for both men and women. but there are two distinctly different types of sex. there is casual sex, which is recreational and meaningless, and there is relationship sex, which is totally different. it is different mentally, it feels different and the emotions involved are different. emotions are much more precious because you can have casual sex without emotional risk, whereas when you give someone your emotions and open yourself up to them then you risk getting hurt. the fact he has given this to you, is really special. everyone views sex differently, but that doesn't mean that what you two have togethr is any less special to him than it is to you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Yes it's true. I remember discussing this with some male friends and one gave me this example : it's like going to a restaurant and order a steak. The restaurant is nice, the service is good, the steak delicious. Everything is fine. Even so, that does not mean that the day after you necessarily want to go to the same restaurant, or even that you want to ever go back again. It was a good experience,and when it's over-next.
That should not trouble you ,though. What he has with you is very special for him, because he has feelings for you that he never had for any other girls. So this is really a first and unique time for him that has nothing to do with anything he had in the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): Meaningless sex can be had by both males and females. That has to be the case as there would be no one for guys to sleep with if girls werent doing it too. So its unfair to label men as the only ones who can have meaningless sex. If his heart wasnt involved until he met you, then what you have is special. So enjoy that fact and dont worry about his past experiences. Sex isnt special. Making love is special.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Yes they can.
My guy has racked up nearly 50 and I am only the third he has had a relationship with.
Does not bother me, ... actually I feel a bit sorry for him coz I know the reason he would not let anyone in. Just makes me feel all the more loved and special coz I have his heart too. The rest was just sport.
Don't let it eat ya up.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 yeah its true forget about what heppened with the others hes with you now
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): Yes, most guys can separate sex from emotion. I know this probably feels strange to you but the idea of your way feels equally strange to most of us.
Sex can be every bit as meaningful to us as it is to most women. It's just not automatically going to be that meaningful every time we have sex.
But all men are no more alike than all women. Some men don't ever have sex outside meaningful relationships. They might technically be capable of having meaningless sex, but they can still make a decision that they don't ever want to cheapen the experience.
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