| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hi all,i got a problem that needs solving,i have a best friend who is a guy,he is also the best friend of my guy,thing is we were friends before my guy and i got together. i will call my best friend R. R and i are so close that i tell him everything and so would my guy...yet we both never heard anything we both have said to him,so he is a gr8 friend,plus we all hang out together.R has a girlfriend of 7 yrs and I'm in my relationship for 13 yrs,we all get along fine even though she is totally convinced that R and i slept together at some point in time,but truth is, i know all his dirty secrets and sometimes since growing up,i will help R write love letters and cover for him,he has slept around and is well considered by all the ladies young and old,but I'm the only woman around the area that haven't slept with him and our friendship goes beyond 16 years.we are so close that when i go by him(he lives with his sis and bro..his sis is my good friend also)i would lie on the bed next to him,tell him my problems and sometimes we both even cry...but nothing ever happen,and I'll leave knowing that he's there for me.We always play with each other no matter where we go,and yet sometimes we would argue(playacting of course)non stop,yes i can see why his girlfriend is jealous of me,but yet that's just how we both are.my guy knows that R and i are close..but if he thinks otherwise i don't know cuz my guy has never shown or even hinted other wise.Well here's my problem..most times we flirt with each other, that those who don't know us would believe that we are an item,see i have heard that a man and a woman can never be best friends with out being sexual in the end...well of recent my guy is away and R frequently comes over to visit and we act in our usual way,thing is this time,for the first time I'm taking the flirts serious and when we hug or touch each other i am feeling different,even had impure thoughts and i told his sis but she just laughs.Anyway i find myself wanting him now and he too has shown interest,he even said if only my guy wasn't his friend,the things he would do to me,and honestly i want that too,but i know if it ever happens,we just might spoil our friendship not to mention hurting everyone involved,I'm avoiding him now but how long will i be able to resist,R is someone i known deeply there is no secrets between us,besides we both have a family,both have kids(even the nurses at the hospital thought that was my baby daddy,lol)till we had to convince them otherwise,besides he too also had his baby on the ward next to me,lol,so it was weird,they thought he had 2 babies,2 different women at the same time,tell me someone...what to do about these recent feelings?
View related questions:
best friend, flirt, has a girlfriend, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2008): DAVER... maybe you are right,but also wrong.i love my guy all,there is nothing i wont do for him,but is it not possible to have feelings for another man at the same time? you are wrong to judge me in that way,i know these feelings are wrong but it took 16+ years to develop,reminding you that R and I could have been together long time ago if we wanted.another point,i find myself to be respectable,for i have been faithful all my life,and if i were as bad as you perceive me to be,then maybe R and i might already slept together unknowingly to anyone,but i haven't,and again for the record,R has been sleeping around on his gf even of recent,and she knows it but chose not to see it,so the relationship is still not perfect as it seems,and at many times if it was not for my intervening,she just might not be there anyway,cuz when anything goes wrong he talks only to me,one more thing...R gf and i are both born 2 days apart carries the same sign,have the same ways and mentality,recent the topic did came up,jokingly of course when i ask him,how come he chose a woman similar to me,he smiled,i said go be with her,take her out,how come you always take me out,his replycuz she is old,you are not...anyway thanks for the advice
A
male
reader, daver  +, writes (29 November 2008):
You answered your own question... obviously for you are R, you cant be just close friends. Do you think it is appropriate to make implications of whta==at yud do together if you both werent in a relationship? Or feel a sexual attraction when you are together? Just because you havent acted on these feelings doesnt mean that yu are innocent. Would you think its okay if your bfriend had these thoughts for a friend of his? How about if a female friend of his told him what shed like to do to him if only he didnt have a gfriend? Out of respect for your gu, either stay with him and limit/end your friendship with R(I know its almost impossible) or leave R to explore your feelings. What you are doing now, is disrepectful to someone who has given you 13 yrs of his life, not to mention Rs gfriend, and believe it or not, your being disrespectful to yourself. If you have TRUE feelings for R then you are not being true to your heart. It is a terrible thing, but you have some distinct choices to make and they will not be easy. I do wish you the best and hope you find the right place to be happy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): It IS possible for a friendship to stay a friendship between a lad and a lass, but in this case it sounds like it's turning into a relationship. It's a difficult one to deal with. You can't help who you love. Don't make any moves until you are sure of your feelings for R.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): Tricky one. You have proved it's possible to be friends only because you have done this over so many years. If you feel attracted just let it pass and don't spoil your friendship by letting it go further and hurting everyone. If you've been with your partner so long and he with his, you must be happy with them, so just let this feeling pass. Try not to be alone with him while your man is away in case you get tempted in a weak moment.
...............................
|
