A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,About 3 months ago I met this guy and we started talking!he told me that when he was in high school and university so let's say a time frame from 18-24 he lived a pretty risqué lifestyle..and has been with a lot of women!he was in serious relationship aged 17-19 but then that did not work out and he started this lifestyle!he told me as a kid he was very shy and lean so when he started working on himself started gymming he realised he started getting a lot of attention(btw he really does have an amazing body) he has slept with a lot of women and even had a threesome with twins!so I was like okay how many he said you'll be pretty surprised. I was like just tell me he said 56 and up!and honestly I was so shocked like mouth wide open shocked because I am a Virgin!he said it's been 2 years since he gave up on this he said that's all part of growing up and now I am over it!i don't know if it is too risky hanging out with this guy?he is quite the charmer by he way!he really likes me and compliments me a lot!on our first date we met over coffee and spoke for 4 hours straight and he said this is the first time he had so much fun on a date.he wants to watch a movie together!should I pursue this or not?oh and I told him I'm very orthodox and that I believe in celibacy till I am married!so he knows that about me!what do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I told him about the whole celibacy thing he is like okay I respect that but I remember him asking me so you have never thought of fling or a one night stand and i said no I never have and never will!and he is said okay..his behaviour did not change towards me after that..I asked him why is it that you want to know me he said and I quote "your beautiful,family oriented,warm,loving,down to earth, a girlfriend marriage material kind of a girl and I would really like to know you better"..
And for those asking about his friends he studied in New Zealand for 6 years and now moved back here so his best friend there who was his partner in these wild endeavours is in a committed relationship with someone!he does not have any friends from here just work friends!
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (26 April 2015):
Is it too risky? It depends what risks you’re talking about. Is there too high a risk you’ll have sex with him? Well that depends on how open to persuasion you are. Supposing you get serious, and he isn’t prepared for a sexless courtship, you may be backed in to a corner, where you’ve either got to have sex or it won’t work. So you’ll either give up your celibacy, or suffer emotional hurt because you’ll have become very close to him. You said you’ve told him about your position on sex before marriage but not much about his response. He knows, yes, but does he respect it? Even if he does, has he really thought through the implication? Only you can really know what the chances are you’ll have sex with him, because you’ll have to agree to it. The real risk is rejection if you maintain that position: it’s hard being celibate. However I wouldn’t say give up on him straight away: at your age, most people you date are likely to have a sexual history of some sort, though perhaps not quite as wild as his. Give him a chance: watch films, have a good time, and see how it goes. After a few dates, if you both think you want to get more serious, I think it’s worth just speaking to him again to reaffirm your resolve on this. Explain that you know you’ve mentioned it before, but remind him how strongly you feel about sex before marriage, and tell him you want to be sure he’s comfortable with, and okay about it. I think this will clarify things either way for you, and if you take the time to mention it again, he’ll be in no doubt what is, and isn’t going to happen if he continues to see you.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (26 April 2015):
 Are there any other indicators (aside from his word) that he has given this lifestyle up?
What sort of love lives do his friends have? If he surrounds himself with player types it's unlikely that he himself is now committed to the sidelines until he meets "the one." If most of his friends are married, engaged, or otherwise paired up for the long term, the odds are better that he too is looking for commitment.
Until you get to know him better I would take things very slowly. You mention that he's very charming and compliments you a lot. It almost sounds like he's telling you what you want to hear in hopes of charming his way right into your pants, so make sure the next few "dates" you have with him are also in somewhat public places where the opportunity for physical seduction is low. Restaurants, movie theaters, group dates and so on. Do NOT take him up on offers to watch movies at his place or otherwise end up there after an evening out.
What you want to find out here is whether he'll keep dating you even without the lure of sex. If he loses interest after a few dates and no action, you'll have your answer. Likewise, if he's content to keep seeing you while consistently respecting your boundaries, you'll have a pretty good indication that he really has changed his ways.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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