A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for about six months now. everythings good, we love each other very much and enjoy being together.our only problem is his ex girlfriend, i still feel she likes him, the signs are very obvious, shes said a few hurtful things about me since we've been together, which i know i should ignore, but im quite an emotional person anyway. my boyfriend says he understands and that it annoys him too, he even said he'd have a word with her, which made me feel much better, but theres a bigger problem... shes still good friends with all his friends, so whenever he goes out with his mates she always seems to be there!im the type of person who when in a relationship prefers to have seperate friends-i think its healthy, but this is really getting to me, knowing that he goes out drinking with his friends and shes around, i trust him with all my heart, its her i dont trust.he went out last night and ive just found out she was out, i got upset and a bit mad, and he admitted he hasnt said anything to her yet about how her words have upset me in the past.i would never stop my boyfriend from having female friends, but am i being unreasonable telling him that i dont like him hanging around with his ex?at the beginning of our relationship my ex boyfriend told me he still liked me, my current boyfriend was obviously mad and so i could all ties from my ex. i just wish he'd do the same because this is upsetting me so much. is that too much to ask? am i being stupid?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): I disagree, she is a threat because she still has your boyfriend's ear and she is saying negative things about you. Although you may not want to keep him from having the same old friends, you ought to expect that he stick up for you and speak to his ex about her bs comments, I think he should try to cut all communication with her and not give her the impression he wants to be friends.
As far as having "seperate" friends when you are a couple, that also is absurd....it is OK to have seperate friends, but they should have met you and he should meet yours and then some of them should become friends to both of you.
Find some other couples to go out with that the two of you can spend time together with, maybe he will wean off his old haunts where she is always hanging out.
I don't think your feelings are unreasonable about the ex...most women feel this way, especially about one who is always out roaming the bars and saying mean and spiteful things behind your back.
Trust your boyfriend to do the right thing, but tell him specifically what that is, you don't have to justify it, just tell him you don't like it that she hangs around shooting off her big mouth...that you aren't jealous or threatened by her, but you want her out of your lives, period.
A
male
reader, agonyunclechris +, writes (1 February 2009):
 hi. firstly you have to realise you decided to end ties with your ex, and you cant expect your boyfriend must end his relationship with his friends because his ex-gf is around. You said you trust your boyfriend but you don't trust him, whats your problem... look if you trust him you wont worry about her..... there is a reason she is his EX.... and that reason is the reason he wont get with her again, don't worry about her, she is a loser to you, so he obviously sees something in you he doesnt in her. take care, stop being paranoid over it because really she isn't a threat (:
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