A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI have few problems cause of my childhood issues. I go into depression once in a while, most of the time I won't show it to my bf. I just act normally, I'm seeing a psychatraist and taking medicine for it.2 days back I went into severe depression and started being touchy for even small stuff and crying all the time. This time I wanted my bf to be supportive to me, just be there for me when I wanted to talk. But he said he has other problems and can't handle this and left me alone in our apartment and staying with his friends. My sister is staying with me since doctor said not be alone when I'm depressed.Is that too much to ask my bf to be there for me? Or am I not worth the trouble. Please help me
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 I am also sorry to hear that. Is your sister still there with you? Make an appointment with your doctor and seek his advice. He does not understand depression at all and he thinks you are just being clingy and needy, when off course it is not, he needs to realise that it is an illness. Go and seek medical advice and hopefully they can help. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Hi
Sorry to read that news..Now I agree with S.V.C, you need to see your doctor asap and tell him your in crisis,you need to be looked after in hospital.Do it for you xx
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2012):
 OP I am sorry. Sadly if he says you have no dignity, then he does not understand depression and the needs you currently have.
He is not going to be there for you as he cannot cope with what you need from him.
I strongly urge you to contact your doctor ASAP and have them hospitalize you. Explain that you are depressed, it's in crisis mode and your boyfriend has walked out on you.
I've been there. I've done it. You need more support right now than any of us can provide. Better to be SAFE.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all ur kind replies. Today I talked to my bf and we had a fight and at the end he told me I don't have dignity that I'm keep on begging him to stay with me. In the end I guess I heard what I was dreading to hear all along. I ne'ed to cope and come out of it. Pls help me
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): whether or not it's too much to ask of him depends on your history together. if in the past it's been really unpleasant for him to be around you when you're in a depression, it's understandable that he would not want to be around that no matter how much he loves you, and it should be OK for him to not want to be around you. He should have space to be genuine with you and not force himself. A partner is not the same thing as a therapist. If, when you're in a depression, you're touchy all the time and crying over small stuff, it's going to be very unpleasant being around you. Yes you need support, but often times the significant other has to bear the brunt of our foul moods more than anyone else and over time it really wears them down. It's not wrong for them to admit they can't take it anymore. Someone not as close to you - like your sibling or a friend - would have more reserves and energy to support you here and there.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 December 2012):
Of course you're worth the trouble! My girlfriend sometimes has a few off days here and there, and I'm there for her.
The issue is - how to deal with it.
I myself had depression years ago, and what I found was that most people simply don't know how to handle it. If someone has a broken hand, it's obvious what's wrong. If someone has a nosebleed, it's obvious what's wrong. When someone has depression, it's not so obvious, and it's very hard to deal with.
Whatever your depression is, it's serious enough that your doctor has recommended that someone be with you. In an ideal world, clearly your boyfriend would be there. But if he's very unsure how to deal with it, then the best thing to do is let him do his thing for now, whilst you have someone around you that can be there, and knows how to handle it. Your sister is the person for that right now.
For now, focus on yourself and let your sister be the one you lean on. When you start to feel a bit better (and you will), gently talk to your boyfriend about what you need from him when this happens. Then see what he says.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 December 2012):
It's not that you are not worth the trouble and you should not take it as a personal attack because he did not stay there. It is probably more to do with the fact that depression causes problem for all people involved. It was probably very difficult for him to see you so different, and he probably freaked out, he knew he could not handle it therefore he had to get out. Sit down and have a talk with him once he comes back and communicate with each other so you both know how you are both feeling. Just remember you are not alone you have your sister there, so it is good that you have someone there with you. I think you should get your medication reviewed and hopefully things will get better.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 December 2012):
Hi
Its not alot to ask no, but he clearly can't handle it. I think him going to stay with friends and leaving you to it shows that much.
Your NOT alone though,your sister is there.You take medication and are seeing a psychiatrist so your depression is being dealt with.He knows you have the condition but as you normally hide it act normal, then perhaps this severe episode threw him.He may not know HOW to handle you,his girlfriend crying and being touchy.
When you feel better and your boyfriend is back home, you need to sit him down and explain how you may get sometimes,that its an illness.Get his view on the situation too.If he has problems of his own then he just may not as he said,be able to handle the bad episode you have had.
You should also see your doctor to find out what bought this episode on and perhaps look at changing your medication.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2012):
When I'm depressed (and I'm struggling right now with it on and off) my husband is at a loss to fix it. He does not know what to say or do. He hurts as much as I do because he can't fix it or take my pain away.
Maybe your bf does not like feeling impotent and unhelpful since many men are "fixers' and they want to fix things... they don't get the whole "i need to vent just listen to me" thing that us girls go through.
what would you do if your sister was not around, would they hospitalize you? if you are in danger of hurting yourself you should not be left in the hands of lay people you need to be somewhere safe like a hospital.
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