A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boy friend have been together for four years we been having sex for 3 ish years , I’ve never had a true orgasms, I always thought it was me because when still lived at home with our families we had to sneak around I was always afraid we get caught so I never truly relaxed , now i have my own place, and he lives full time in his dorm and we spend a lot of alone time and still nothing. He gets upset when we don’t have sex regularly which is understandable but I just can’t have regular sex with him cause I don’t find him sexually attractive because he doesn’t take care of his body, don’t get me wrong I love him I plan on staying with him for a long time I try to get him to work out just alit and take better care himself and of his skin and he won’t do it I even bought him special body and face acne body wash over 6 month a go and more than half is used. he says it’s my fault for not being sexually attractive, I know if he tried I would, he stared to care about his body about a year ago and it was great then he stop and said I should be sexually attractive to him no matter what he looks like he said I’m too vain. Am I truly that vain?? Or is it not too much to ask him to care about his body and care about what I think about him. I try to blend over backs to make him happy and do what he wants of me cause I love him and want to see him happy so is it too much to ask for that one little thing? And one more thing with sex it’s not how many times you have sex it’s the quality of it that matters right? Just cause you love someone doesn’t mean u have to have sex all the time right?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 November 2010):
 Is the problem really your orgasms?? You mention that in the beginning but it doesn't tie in with your story. A lot of women don't achieve orgasms through penetration alone..you have to toss in some clitoral stimulation in order to coax one out. It took me 8 years to finally achieve an orgasm through sex alone.
Has his acne and "bodne" always been a problem, how about his weight? Or has he just recently "let himself go" being careless about his appearance? Jmtmj is correct it's easy to get comfortable in a relationship and let some things go. I will point out, that if you guys are in college..weight is easily gained by all that eating out, stressing out from school, and lack of gym that you guys regularly had in high school. The acne if he's always had that problem then he should see a dermatologist, they can prescribe topical gels to clear that right up. As far as getting in shape goes, you can't force him into the gym but you can encourage him..offer to go together and be work out pals, or see if he has a buddy that frequents a gym and could use a work out partner. It's a positive approach that you got him the face and body acne wash, however he may not be seeing results so he stopped using it. I've found that Neutrogena, Phisoderm, and Proactiv make great body washes..perhaps switch and get him a new one.
I don't think you're being vain, I think you're just asking him to keep himself up..however if he's always been like this from day 1 then don't expect him to change for you. No, you don't have to have sex with someone all the time just to prove your love. Sex doesn't always equal love. At your guys age range, it's something he's going to want all the time though..just because of his killer sex drive. Have you always enjoyed sex with him, or has it become redundant since you guys do it everyday? I agree that it's not needed everyday because it can start to get old quick, plus your genitals need rest, if they start being too sore then it could potentially cause vaginal tearing.
Kindly explain to him, you guys don't need to have sex daily..that at times it's perfectly fine to give yourself a rest. That you are very much attracted to and love him..you jut feel like he's letting himself slip a bit which can easily be fixed and you're here to help. Good Luck!
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 I think its important in a relationship to look after yourself and not get too comfortable to the point that you stop caring what you look/smell like. But it can be a touchy subject to bring up... I personally think its all in the "phrasing".
Eg. Instead of saying- "You should lose some weight"
Perhaps say- "I'm heading to the gym now, wanna come?"
It's indirect, its not singling anybody out or placing blame, offers a gradual solution, more "couple time" and its less likely to get a stubborn response- ie. "you should be sexually attracted to me no matter what".
Any positive step your boyfriend makes towards looking after himself better- make sure you let him know that you're proud/happy/noticing a difference etc. Hopefully he gets on a roll and won't need constant prodding to put in more effort.
Best of luck :)
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