A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for half a year now. Before he met me, he used Tinder to search for partners. After we got together, he deleted the app. I told him deleting the app does not mean deleting his account. He says his Discovery setting is turned off which means even though his account is still on Tinder, others cannot see him. I don't know how Tinder works because I've never used it before and I don't feel comfortable with the idea that his account is floating on Tinder.I know he's not using the app anymore but is it too much for me to ask him to delete his account? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2015): If you "know" he's not using it, what's your post about? You don't trust him? Then tell him that he'd gain more trust from you; if he'd let you witness him unsubscribing and closing the account. Why would he leave an account open that he doesn't intend to use?
Here's some tough reality. Maybe he has been through a world of crap with old relationships up to now. Perhaps you're still under evaluation. If you don't trust him; he's obviously not quite all the way there with you either.
Trust has to be built between the two of you. Then it has to be earned and maintained. You're just not there yet.
Men use logic. Then use the logical approach. Tell him that you feel that he doesn't feel things will work out, or he might be tempted with checking out other women while still with you. You don't have time for dealing with that possibility; and logically, it must be the case. Sense he finds it so difficult to part with an account he claims he has no intention of using. He can always resubscribe. He has to pay fees to keep the account active.
Being together several month's doesn't necessarily indicate you are committed. Only that you may be exclusively dating.
If he can't give up his tinder account; then he is uncertain of the outcome of being with you. It's totally up to you if you want to stick around. He's a grown man, and you don't get to tell him what to do, or what he can't have.
Simply set your boundaries, and see if he's willing to compromise to please you. If the answer is no, then take the best course of action for yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2015): hi. nope I don't think what u r asking is unreasonable. what is his big deal here? I get that he doesn't think it matters, but you do- therefore even more so he should be okay with doing it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2015): Hi, it's a tricky one. I think at the end of the day you will have to tell him in a civil environment that you don't feel comfortable with him having the app, despite it not being live. Explain how in all honesty as much as you love him, it makes you feel uncomfortable as you've been together so long. And if he begins to question your asking of him, then challenge him by asking why is it such an issue to delete it completely? I know full well even if you delete it fully you can get it back.
But saying that you both have been together for a while now, so an app shouldn't really be an issue in your relationship (you can even use that as a comment as to why he should delete it I guess).
You need to asses your relationship to an extent, why are you not comfortable with him having it, when he isn't using it? Has he done anything to give you doubt? Or even maybe he only has it because of this whole 'lad culture' (I know he isn't using it, but sometimes guys make jokes about it- I really hope this isn't a reason)
I understand how frustrating it is that he has such an app, even more so that tinder is probably one of the worst dating apps (as we all know).
Be nice and civil when you ask him and confront him about this app, try and take a different approach in accordance to your last questioning of him.
I for one can say that often I get caught up in small things and sometimes end up getting a bit shouty and argumentative.
Just be honest, and if he respects you then he should comply
I really hope his gets fixed, good luck!
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