A
male
age
36-40,
*mootnezz
writes:it's 4am and i have not slept yet. i think i am anxious. Here is my reason: i have dated my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. i am 98% sure i want to settle down with her and for this the reason, i asked her to move in with me when she got posted to do national service in the town i live in. in my country u can marry a woman by paying what we call the 'bride price'. once u do this, u dnt necesarily need a wedding to make her ur wife. i told her i would pay her bride once when moved in with me. i was quite certain then when i made this promise but due to recent family setbacks, i think i am not ready to pay the bride price and hence marry her yet. it took up to two days ago for me to realise this but she is due to move in tomorrow and start her national service. she thinks i am ok with her moving in so has not made any other arrangement and her parents are ok with her moving in with me. but for some unknown reason, i am not too sure i want to do this. and it is also too late for me to say i changed my mind. what could be the problem with me? why do i feel this way? and what should i do? i think she is the kind of woman i want but am not sure i am prepared to keep my promise of her moving in with me now. and telling her this at this time will disappoint her. i need help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): You made a promise to her and her family.... Kinda late to wimp out now. You need to be the man here and face the consequences of your actions. Be there for her, and if that 2% of you is unsure, you and your wife can work on those issues together and make your marriage stronger in time.
Also, whatever you do, in the future, get other men (friends) in your life that can speak to you and give you advice.
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