A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm a 31-year old guy with a question that's been plaguing my mind recently. I can't help but wonder if it's too late at my age to date or have a relationship if I've never done either before.I've never been in a relationship or even been on a date due to a number of factors. It's mostly anxiety, depression and growing up in a dysfunctional family, but also the fact that relationships weren't really a priority for me in high school and college for whatever reason and the fact that I was busy with getting my degrees followed by getting a job that would be sufficient to let me live independently.I'm not entirely sure if I actually want a relationship at this time. However, I have a persistent fear that, should I decide that I would like a relationship, I'm going to be considered too old to have never had a relationship or even a date and that my lack of prior experience would make women apprehensive or scare them off. That is, I worry that I'm past the period where certain mistakes would be understandable (and I won't pretend that I wouldn't make any mistakes: I've never done this, after all), and that my inexperience would be apparent and lead to others getting weirded out or wondering if something's wrong with me. Alternatively, I worry that I would be outright asked about my history and that no reasoning for my answer would be sufficient given my age.So, enlighten me: is there a point where it is too late for someone to have a relationship due to never having had one in the past? It may just be my anxiety speaking, but I thought I'd just get some input from others about this.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 March 2018):
 You have good reasons for why you haven't dated, so that is a plus.
Knowing what to "do" in a relationship or what's expected comes with experience and knowing yourself AND your partner. It doesn't just come with having had a lot of them.
As the other uncles and aunts have pointed out, FOCUS on yourself and your mental state FIRST. Being in "charge" of your anxieties and depression not only improves your life but it DOES make relationships easier.
There is no expiration date on WHEN it's "too late" to start dating. It's up to you.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (25 March 2018):
 No, you are absolutely not too old to start dating. However, I don't think that should be your top priority at the moment. I think sorting out your anxiety and other issues needs to come first. Then you will be in a much better place to meet someone, and you won't be bringing so much "baggage" to the relationship.
When you do eventually date, be honest and say you have had other priorities in the past, hence have no experience of the dating scene. Don't go into too much detail at first, as that could spook people, but don't hide stuff either that may come to light later.
Today's the first day of the rest of our life. Grab it with both hands and start to enjoy what is out there. Good luck. We are here if you need advice going forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2018): It's never too late. 31 really isn't old so don't worry about it. Plenty of people spend their 20s focused on their careers etc. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2018): It's never too late to have a relationship. Only, you don't just walk-out and get one. You have to meet someone, get to know her (or him) and take it from there. Nature will take its course; you just try to be sensible and behave like a rational-adult.
It's not rocket science, but it is biological science. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy, and they try to make something of that. Hopefully you've had friendships; and you have some social-skills. That's a good start.
It is true that women will be a little nervous that a man has come this far in life with not one date or relationship in his history. There is so much unexplained or gray area here; and that's the tricky part. The big question. Why not? School and degrees don't keep you from attracting people to you, and you can't walk 20 feet without running into a female while on campus.
Maybe you have to develop your social-skills and learn to interact with people, in general. Get comfortable having conversation, socialize by going to parties and social events. Mingle with people until you can develop comfort paring-off with someone you like in a romantic way.
Your awkwardness will certainly make women unsettled and apprehensive about a grown-man who doesn't have a clue how to behave around a grown-woman. You can practice by simply taking a leap of faith, and just do it. Learn as you go, just as a teenager does.
I don't want to insult you; but maybe you should seek a little professional-counseling first. To determine why you were unable to develop romantic-relationships with females, males, or whichever is your preference.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2018): It's never too late to start learning. Some people will be weirded out by you but some will like you, just like anybody else. If you've never gone to see a therapist, they can definitely help you ease your way into the dating pool, and help you define what is good for you and what is repeating dysfunctional stuff from your past. I've had to overcome a lot of dysfunctional family stuff myself, but therapy really helped me become happy in my life and in relationships. It helps to shop around and find a therapist that you really click with, too, if you don't jive with the first one you make an appointment with. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 March 2018):
 OP, I get why you're worried, but you need to get professional help first.
You need to learn how to cope and move forward with the anxiety and depression. Until you do that, you'll be stuck in a rut with the rest of your life too. There's no point trying to start a relationship or dating if you're not mentally well enough to handle it.
Please, OP, get some therapy and discuss all of your issues, then start dating when you're feeling better. It's never too late to start dating, but it's pointless if you're not coping well with your anxiety and depression.
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