A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've only known her for a few months, at the start she was OK but she has become nasty. She is always oneupping me in conversation. For example if I make a casual remark about how I like a dress or something, she'll be like "Oh that dress isn't for me, I hate that style". Or if I talk about good things in my life she listened at the start but now she doesn't pay attention to what I say yet just goes on about herself which is weird. I told her yesterday about how the guy I liked was flirting with me and I messed it up by being awkward. I thought it was a funny story, I wasn't bragging, but she immediately started saying "Oh, *I* never usually like guys, they're the ones who like me and chase me, it's the other way round." I wasn't even telling her about how I had some unrequited love, if she had been paying attention! I thought it was really rude. In fact she has a bf and I do not so she doesn't need to be jealous.. but I don't know if she even likes her bf because she's told me before about he's "no Prince Charming" and she is just with him temporarily and doesn't love him. But then she does actually brag on social media etc. about all the expensive presents he buys her.I don't know why she acts like this, I share my life with her but I dont rub it in her face. I think the main reasons she might have to be jealous is that I have a really close family who live very close by and she's from a broken family and hasn't even spoken to her dad since she was 9, and I have hobbies in lots of clubs like skiing whereas she doesn't do anything/ make an effort with uni. But I only tell her about stuff like that if she asks. She is more popular than I am on Instagram and so on but then she gets very passive aggressive about me hanging out with my other friends without inviting her along etc. TBH I dont want to.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 I guess people just take to things differently. Others can use bad upbringings to do good and well vice versa. Really you should feel sorry for her that she feels the need to drag others down to make herself better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@aunt honesty Thank you, sorry I haven't logged in for a few days. She does actually lie now that you mention it.. for example she said that she saw the girl we both know who "DOES invite her out to things" the other day and she invited her out to coffee. I happen to know that girl is away on holiday in Spain for a month because of her Facebook... There are a few more times she's lied too. I don't know why she is so manipulative?Yes, she hasn't bothered me so much recently but I will tell her she's negative if she starts doing it again. Of course it's a shame if she has a bad family but she is an adult, she should know better than to try to bring others down. I am a pretty confident person, but when I make self deprecating jokes like about me being awkward with the guy I like hitting on me, she seems to mistake it for her own insecurity. One of my best friends also has a bad family, but she is the opposite, positive and not blaming it for everything.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (13 February 2017):
She sounds like a very insecure girl. My guess is she has been hurt in the past possibly with the break up off her family. It sounds like she lacks confidence and is always speaking about herself trying to make herself sound like an amazing person, but I bet deep down she doesn't feel so great.
I had a friend almost identical to that, just throw in that she was also a pathological liar. It is draining and it can bring you down. She is actively trying to make you feel bad about yourself. She is not a great friend, and she doesn't care what is happening in your life. I would just slowly fall away from her, or if that doesn't work be honest and tell her she is to negative for you to be around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all :) I will try distancing myself from her. Especially after the comment she made after I told her about the guy who liked me, which I found very mean and wasn't even relevant (because he was the one hitting on me!) I am still annoyed about that, it makes even less sense knowing that she has a boyfriend.@Aunty BimBim - Yes, exactly! She complains about most of the other people she knows and won't even hang out with some people just because they're from a certain region. So it's kind of obvious why she doesn't know many people. Yet she started suddenly saying one day how another girl we both know was so nice and she liked her because "she always invites me to things, like to see her new flat or come out and meet HER friends, even if I barely know her." Tbf, she has invited me out with her friends a few times, but I've always said no (part of me is worried they're like her i.e. nasty) so its not like Im being a hypocrite. I will try that thanks =)@Honeypie TBH I'm not afraid of saying that :P We live quite close by though and are on the same course at uni so it might make things awkward. I already know she will start gossiping about me even if I cut her off slowly because she takes offence at the tiniest things other people do (for example, she moaned about one of the teachers not holding the door for her when he didn't even see her!) but Idc.True, social media popularity isn't always a reflection of RL. I think she had lots of friends at school - but university is a more adult environment and possibly lots of other ppl like me don't want to be around someone who is always "negging" them. @02DuszJ - Excuses are a good idea :). Fortunately she doesn't know any of my other friends, and I don't have her on any social network apart from Instagram (she was rude because I deactivated my Facebook temporarily and so couldn't add her).I'll try to keep it low key, but as I said to Honeypie above she'll probably start drama or gossip anyway. I already caught her gossiping about me once because I put my foot down and didn't lend her my tutorial notes one time. She has a very bad relationship with her mum and no dad apparently, and I don't want to judge but maybe bc of this she can't take being told No and is unable to compromise.@Youcannotbeserious - Yes, you're right.. she is very self centred anyway and talking to her is always "me me me". Either that or she listens to me like she did about the guy who liked me and then tries to one up me. I'm not sure if its out fo insecurity but I am not trying to make her insecure.I'm definitely not going to be friends any more I just need to damage control, so that her inevitable going around talking smack to others about me doesn't have as much of an effect.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 February 2017):
 In recent years I have noticed that many people seem to have lost the ability to hold a real conversation. They only seem to listen to people - if they do at all - so they can jump in and brag about themselves or something of theirs. People like that start every sentence with "I" or "my". This girl sounds to be of that type.
You sound like you are not short of friends. If you are getting nothing good or positive from this friendship, what is the point in continuing it? You can either cut her out of your life in one go or distance yourself gradually so that, eventually, the friendship will just die a death naturally.
Who knows, perhaps she will take stock once you start keeping away from her and realize why you don't want contact any more, but I wouldn't hold your breath on that score.
Life's too short to spend with people who just aggravate you. Cut her loose and enjoy your time with people who you enjoy being with.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (11 February 2017):
 Yeah make excuses... You're busy with work/ family/ school... What can she say to that?
Also tell close friends you trust how you feel... So you can see them low key without her. I doubt many people get on with her anyway that aren't as toxic as her.
I used to know someone like this, and honestly I wouldn't be too confrontational/ make it obvious you're cutting her out. I had a massive falling put with the girl, and she turned out to be a real psycho... You dont want crap through your letterbox or anything... Luckily she never did it to me!
Agree with others, contact her less, say sorry you're busy/ not a great texter, make excuses, she'll move on to someone else..keep it low key.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 February 2017):
 UNLESS you have the "ladyballs" to tell her:" I feel you are a negative person and I need positive people around me, not negative ones" I'd just slowly drop her.
Slowly stop being available for social things with her, the same for talking/texting and hanging out.
As passive-aggressive as you paint her to be I think it's just wiser to slowly let the friendship run its course.
She does sound negative and toxic which is a good reason to drop someone.
I might BE that she is jealous, it might be that this is just who she is in person. Being popular on Instagram doesn't mean she is a great person - it just means she has been good at "selling" her image online.
Personally, I wouldn't have time for such a person in my life. It's OK that FRIENDS (real friends) have a crappy day and aren't all upbeat all the time, but someone who constantly has to oneup or rag on stuff? Urgh! Exhausting!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 February 2017):
 Who needs this sort of crap in our lives .....
There is no law saying you have to invite people when you are going out with other people, she can be as passive aggressive as she likes, just stop letting it affect you.
There is no need for a big breakup, just slowly start removing yourself from her company, stop sharing so much of your life with her and continue going out with your other friends without her.
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