A
female
age
41-50,
*emy
writes:I came to visit my daughter in another state for 4 days. My husband is sending me text messages saying that I'm out here messing around and he is done with me, all because he called my phone, and I didn't answer. He called my daughter and she told him we was at a cookout, and that is when he started sending those nasty messages.Then I called him the morning that I was due to leave. He cursed me out just because I stated that since he didn't answer my calls I didn't know if he was picking me up, because he didn't answer my calls. Then he just went off on me saying I don't know who the hell u was with last night but u have an attitude. He is always hanging up the phone on me cursing me out, I don't do those things to him, I am so tired of him treating me like this, he always thinking I am cheating on him, when I don't give a reason or signs. I'm always home, I don't go anywhere, but whenever he feels the need to go be with his family, or hang out all night he does with no thought of me, to be honest I can do bad all by myself!!! Yes I do love him but love don't treat you this way, we have been together for 6 years but he don't trust me. I know he doesn't, I'm really thinking about calling it quits, the way I see it he is the husband and the provider, but when there is no food in the house to eat, and he aint even trying to get any food to put in the house, it is sad but let him tell it he is a man!!! At this point I would rather be by myself, but the sad situation is he has threatened to walk out on our mirrage but he has no where to go, so what do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2015): You need to get out of that relationship before the accusations turn to actual abuse. He is already mentally and verbally abusing you and the way he acts is a method of trying to control you and keep you beaten down and in his control. A relationship is built on trust, he has zero trust in you and that is offensive and pathetic. The way he speaks to you is disgusting and you should value yourself much more than that. You deserve to be treated with a minimum of respect and someone who claims to love you should never be so verbally abusive. Everyone argues now and again but he is over any limit. Make a plan to leave him, know where you could go, what stuff to take etc...perhaps you could escape to your daughters? Or confide in another family member your plans and stay with them. I am sure if family knew how bad he was to you they would offer to put you up. Let him stay in the house, you can find another home. Just get away from such a toxic, nasty man. Be prepared once you do leave for him to come running back, begging for forgiveness and full of promises to change his ways. Then when you refuse to listen to his crap, by staying strong and allowing friends and family to support you in the tough time, be ready for him to get nasty again when he can see he is losing control of you. If he makes any threats towards you, follows you or harasses you over phone, text or appearing in your day to day life get it all logged with the police. That's a worse case scenario but mentally prepare yourself to be strong enough to handle it. Be positive and know you deserve better.
A
female
reader, remy +, writes (6 July 2015):
remy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the responses that I received, but to answer some of the questions, yes I have tried to get him to go to counseling but he says he don't need it. This trip away made me see things more clear, and I have to do what's best for me and my son at this point. I will keep you all posted on this situation!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (5 July 2015):
 Aw...I feel sorry for you, hun. It sounds like your man is very jealous, insecure and possessive. Triple threat and not good characteristics for a person to have. He is the one with the problem, not you. I don't blame you one bit for wanting out of the marriage. Without trust, there is no solid foundation for a relationship!
I'm assuming you have tried to talk to him about his behavior and have gotten nowhere? Do you think suggesting counselling would help? Would he go? Do you even want to try to save the marriage?
If you can make it on your own and really are tired of it all (and who can blame you??) then lawyer up. Who wants to live in that type of an environment? It isn't your problem if he doesn't have a place to go..that's HIS problem.
And I do know what you are going through..I lived it with my ex husband. When I was 7 months pregnant my mother and sister invited me to go to my old high school and watch a football game with them. I hadn't seen any of my old classmates in like 4 years and my mom and sister were just fixing my hair, putting a little make up on me. It was a hard pregnancy and they wanted to perk me up a little. They were going to be with me the whole time...
My husband started yelling at me "Where are you going? Who are you going to meet? What old boyfriend are you going to see?? I'll know if you cheat!"" I couldn't believe it...this was just the beginning of him always assuming I was cheating on him...Needless to say, he ruined the entire night for me...And as a foonote, yes, I did divorce him.
Only you know what you can live with but let me tell you hun..it gets old defending yourself when you haven't done anything wrong. And I for one cannot stand a man talking to me like I'm a piece of garbage.
I wish you well..remember..life is short...too short to be unhappy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 July 2015):
 It sounds like there is little love and trust in your marriage and that, is sad.
If you have never cheated on him, or in your past (that he knows off) I don't understand why he keeps saying you must be cheating.
Either HE is cheating and keeping you in the defensive or he just like the power of accusing you, so YOU have to try and defend yourself - neither scenario is pleasant or good for a marriage.
Maybe he IS unhappy in the marriage, but knows he has nowhere to go, so he takes it out on you?
Are you the sole provider? Can you financially take care of yourself without him? Then maybe IT IS time to leave. But before you do, I'd contact a lawyer.
If you think there is ANYTHING worth saving in the marriage, maybe try marriage counseling, IF he is willing to go.
Personally though, I'd rather be a divorcee then put up with that kind of crap. Spoiling your time with your daughter with imaginary drama, that is childish and rude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2015): Alot of times people who accuse you of cheating are the real cheaters.What freaked me out about your letter was he got mad and started accusing me when I did not answer the phone.My gosh you were with your daughter I guess he does not trust you one bit.Sounds maybe like he is trying to control you.RED FLAGS all around.Abuse starts with control.He stays out all nite...Yep he is for real cheating on you.Do not let him walk out of your marriage YOU RUN out of this marriage.But see a lawyer first to get your ducks in a row.Who cares if he has no where to go?Tell him he can go to where ever he goes when he stays out all nite.She can take that slimeball in.
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