A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:I think as we get older, we become a bit less selfish. But even though that is a good thing, it is a shame that we start to put on a bit of weight. Then when we strip naked before having sex, we have to warn the other person that we might not look as good as expected. Is this the right thing to do? Once, I was about to have it off with this woman and I told her I would look a bit chubby without my clothes on, and she said "Don't worry. I look worse."What are some tips you can offer in these situations? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (22 April 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question Sorry. I was just illustrating that guys prefer to be seen as heterosexual rather than bi or gay. I was a bit tired this morning as I had slept badly the night before. That's why I overreacted to @leastimtrying's comment. Or I misread it.
So to all of you, take care and thanks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Thanks for sticking up for me there Q. I was trying to be politically correct. The post did not say female, so if the OP was gay I didn't want to offend him. I'm sorry for the implication. I was not trying to be funny with that part of the answer. I was attempting to compliment the Op's sense of humor because I thought his comments were funny. I retract my statement. Judging by your sudden change of attitude at one innocent statement I would definitely stick with not saying anything about your body. You seem a little self conscious, so I understand being concerned with what another person might think. She wont think anything, even if you are thinking it. Again, I'm sorry for offending you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 To our poster, Bruce Lee, I am glad to hear that you weren't referring to her. I see that you have a sense of humor and I hope it's clear that I am not making fun of you, that I am enjoying sharing a joke with you?
I wanted to be absolutely clear on that point.
I know very little about Aspergers, but I believe that some of the social cues that most of us take for granted may not be obvious to someone with that syndrome. I'm sure @leastimtrying was doing her best to be politically correct and not assume a certain sexual preference, she was not implying that you were gay. In fact, she was delighted with your followup and was jokingly urging you to get off the computer and go enjoy some time with your sexual partner. At least that's how I read it. That's what the "lol" meant, it's the web's signal that the person is joking.
One more thing, poster. AMEN to curves!!! Thank you for that delightful observation. I feel the same about men. A little too much weight is visually preferable to too little for me, personally.
I hope you realize that we liked your answer and followup and I believe you have nothing to worry about in that regard.
Now, would it bother you terribly if I made fun of the other responders here?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Now here's me thinking that CGrant would know the answer...is there no hope!
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 With stakes like that? N'uh uh, I'm not playing.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 April 2010):
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNGGGGGK. bzzzzzzzzzzz
No, I'm sorry, that answer is incorrect! We have deducted one hundred acts of sexual intercourse from your future life.
Thank you for playing.
Next?
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A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (21 April 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question Do not imply that I am bi or gay. When you suggest that a guy might be gay it is not funny, and you will receive a lower rating than what you would if you were polite. So @leastimtrying, keep that in mind.
Also, I would never imply that a woman is overweight. I was referring to myself when I mentioned that "it wouldn't hurt to lose some weight."
I think women with curves look cuter than skinny women anyway.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 April 2010):
Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, EVER EVER tell a woman she could stand to lose some weight, if you want to have sex with her. Write that one down.
And remember that the truth is powerful stuff and should be used sparingly. Too much of it can kill desire. I'm not advocating lying, but don't say everything that might pop into your head, right?
What is the correct answer to "do these shorts make my butt look big?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Ok, ya know what! Who cares what you look like? Humor is sexy! Add that to the pre sex confidence flash and she (he?) will melt. Most likely this future mate already has and is flabergasted at why you are sitting on here blabbing to us instead of between, on top of, caught up in, or tied up with the sheets! lol Just go for it!
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A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (21 April 2010):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question You know something? You are all very smart and your answers make sense. But I'm just saying that it wouldn't hurt to lose a bit of weight. And I have scars from an operation I had years ago.
I apologize for using the expression "have it off." That's my humour. I have Asperger's Syndrome. Some of you might not know what it is.
Thank you for your answers. I won't name anyone in case the rest of you feel slighted for being left out. And I'm not sure what the word "slighted" means. But I thought I would impress you all with my vocabulary.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 Don't say anyhting. It's all in your mind . It's all about the way you perceive yourself.
Years ago, I had to undergo an operation that left a rather noticeable scar on my body. The first time I was going to have sez after that, I was extremely anxious. Normally I am a self confident type- but the guy was much younger than myself, and in perfect shape. So I wondered "maybe I should warn him " then I decided against it. I said to myself : heck no, I should not have to apologize for what I look or what has happened in my life. If he does not like it- tough luck.
Luckily, things warmed up fast and after 5 minutes I was not even remotely thinking about my scar , and everything was very satisfactory. After sex we were cuddling and the guy was complimenting me for my smooth skin and I said something like "Yeah,too bad about the scar " and he looked at me blankly and said :"What scar ?".
Mind over matter....if you feel perfect,you ARE perfect.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (21 April 2010):
"If the survival of man were contingent on the way we look naked, we would have become extinct eons ago"
Thanks, Q, for that inspiring affirmation. ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Dont say anything! People don't pick eachother apart, we only do that to ourselves. A partner is looking at you as a whole person. Pointing out any "flaws" will only bring attention to them. Don't point them out and show insecurity! Confidence is way hotter than anything else, so pull that out first and you will be set!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 April 2010):
In these situations, think positive. Don't draw attention to the negatives, because if you do, that's what will be focused on.
"I feel great. You feel great. Isn't this nice?" rather than "I know I'm fat, I hate being fat, I hate my body right now." Which attitude is more appealing?
She'll already have an idea of what you look like, remember? So don't draw her eyes to your flaws. Look for your strong points and focus on those.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Don't say anything, we all have different body types and you know how it is in moments like those, you're not exactly modelling on a stage under bright lights you're getting intimate with someone. There's no need to be self conscious, confidence boosts your sexual appeal far more than losing a couple of pounds. Most women are worrying how they may look in front of you anyway, better to feel good an confident when in that situation, they've most likely already sized your body up before you got naked anyway.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 The first thing is our faith in 'sex', that its life giving nature is eternal, must not be allow to crack. Naturally, with the maturity, gained by age give us such strength in vision. Now physical shape is not as important as in early age. Now spiritual nature of sex is paramount. To have sex with intense love should be conditioned.
I think, this philosophic vision about sex, presented above will help you to understand life, to understand nature of sex and love and its unity.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): First of all dont say ''have it off'.
Second, no don't comment on your appearance, especially in a negative way before having sex. Confidence in a man is very very sexy and you are completely shattering that by announcing that you don't think you are appealing (which is essentially what you are doing).
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