A
male
age
41-50,
*igglywood
writes:I said I should move out, but now I want to stay and work things out.I've been here before i'm afraid.I have been seeing my girlfriend for 18 months and we moved in together 6 months ago. We encountered a few problems early on when we moved in which I admit I held against her a little bit and found hard to get past, she upset my parents which was a bad start.For months on and off I have been questioning and analysing "us" and have not felt quite right, not felt the passionate love and deep feelings for her that I want to feel in a relationship. We nearly broke up 3 or so times before. I drive an hour each way to and from work and sometimes just feel I have nothing to give when I get home.It came to a head the other weekend when we had a day out and it wasn't going great, we struggled to keep a good conversation going and eventually I said I thought I should leave.She agreed and I have been looking around for somewhere else to live, we talked about seeing how it goes in terms of seeing eachother after I have left as if moving in was a step too far but i'm not hopeful. Now I just want to work with her and gain her trust and belief in me again, she shows flashes that she still loves me but then goes cold, protecting herself and saying that she feels numb. It feels like moving out spells the end and I am realising that you get out what you put in and am trying to show her that I really can raise the bar and be better to her/us. It could be too late though...
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Tue love will stand the test of time. It doesn't matter what you told her. It would make no difference to her if she wants to leave you .
Time can change a person perspective. She too will have her doubts and anxieties.
If your destiny is the same , you will meet again .
Pray and have faith . Don't give up hope. That is all you have now.
A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (5 April 2010):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe only thing I fear I may have done wrong was to say that I really meant goodbye, I could have just said goodbye, left it at that and then left her wondering over time why I haven't been in touch.
Now she may well assume that I meant goodbye because I want nothing to do with her and she'll just move on easily especially as it was me who initially said I needed to move out.
Anything I say or do now would invalidate what I said to her so I can only concentrate on me but I do fear that I have simply reinforced her decision to not let me back in again.
Oh well!!!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (5 April 2010):
Treat the separation like R & R . Get yourself detoxified and see things from a new perspective.
Go back into your old world and keep yourself busy.
If you love her, let her go, if she comes back then she is yours.
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A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (5 April 2010):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes understand thanks.
I am using the time now to get myself together and find myself so that I am happy in my own skin.
If in time we find eachother again it will show that it was meant to be, if not then perhaps we were not.
Fingers crossed...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (5 April 2010):
Absence make the heart grows fonder.
You need to disappear from her world for a period of time and she will miss you and those days.
You cannot appreciate a thing until it is gone.
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A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (4 April 2010):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what do you mean? I shouldn't leave her alone to get used to me not being around or I should but then recharge and woo her again if I still believe in us after a month or so?
I think she needs space, perhaps forever but i'm not wanting to give up yet...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (3 April 2010):
You should always try your best to solve those problems and over come them.
In this way, if you really were to separate because fate decides, you will have no regrets because you tried your very best. Otherwise , there will always be a nagging feeling that only if you have tried harder ....
You need to reserved some juice when you reach home or you will be dull, boring and unexciting.
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A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (3 April 2010):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn 15 March my ex told me that she felt that it was over and was setting me free. She couldn't get the romantic feelings for me that I seemed to still hold.
Since then I spent a couple of weeks with the odd, call, email and text but on Tuesday popped in on the way to seeing mutual friends and made small talk then kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye. She replied then I said "no I really mean goodbye" and she giggled, don't think she believes me as in the last 18 months I don't think we've ever gone more than 5 days with no contact even when she was in New Zealand.
We spoke the other week before no contact and she even said that she has no idea what the future holds, we could get back together in 6 months or 6 years or not at all. We may never see eachother again etc. Also she added that I could just leave it 6 weeks or so and ask her out, woo her. Mixed messages really considering it was only 4 days after she emailed to say it was over.
I'm not sure she really knows what she wants. On the website we met on she's updated her profile and said she is losing her mind, she also said that she thinks about whether she'll meet her soulmate or whether she already has???
I will not initiate contact for at least a month and see how life goes. Am feeling better about myself now with volunteering and signing up for a half-marathon and so i'm learning to make myself happy which is a great lesson from the relationship.
See what the future holds eh?
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A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (8 March 2010):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI moved out last weekend so have been in my new place a week.
We are trying to do the no-contact thing but have broken it a few times because of practical issues, she even came round yesterday to see my new place despite saying last week that she wouldn't come round as she just needs space.
She admits that she wants to love me and wants everything to be alright but that something is missing and she feels that she has a barrier up to being vulnerable to me again.
I think that deep down she does love me but is hurt and scared.
I so want to write to her to say why the relationship broke down and my part in that and how I feel that we could avoid a repeat if she was to open her heart again in time. She did text the other day to say "let's hope that my heart heals". That sounds like she has her fingers crossed for us but needs to really 'feel' it and she can't right now.
I must leave her alone I think and let her figure it out for herself.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 February 2010):
This sounds doomed. She was happy for you to move out and you'e almost broken up several times before. Flashes of love are no good. I think the time has come for you both to move on. You've put effort in, and little has come out. I would move on.
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