A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need some advice.I am fifteen and my boyfriend is fourteen, and yes, I realize we are way too young to be in a relationship. However, we're not having sex, doing drugs, partying, etc. etc. He's a pretty decent guy, I've known him for a while and I trust him. He claims that he loves me so much (and he backs this up with always wanting to communicate/resolve, sacrificing for me, defending me against people who say bad things about me, giving me the shirt off his back...literally...staying up with me on the phone all night when I'm scared, never pushing me for sex, and being unbelievably forgiving where others would not have been, deleting all other girls from his contacts just to prove it's only me) so for now, I'm choosing to believe he actually does care.That being said, I'm worried about getting too serious (emotionally). It's been two months, and people keep telling me to slow down and have fun. And while that's probably the smarter choice, when it's just 'fun', there's not that emotional support there that he gives me. For a long time before he came along, I was suicidal and alone, and he came and changed all that. So I am emotionally involved with him. Is that stupid? So I guess the question is, is it possible that he can actually care and be trustworthy at 14, am I being stupid and immature, and is there any chance that a relationship this young can actually work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, well I didn't ask him to delete the contacts. Or even hint at it. He knew I was slightly nervous and so one day when he was on vacation with his family, he said to me, "why do i need to talk to other girls? i have YOU." and decided to delete them. i never would have asked him to do that.
honestly, i havent asked him for much. he just gives. and i try my best to give as much back.
Yeah, there's no chance of sex here. We're both waiting until marriage. All right, I'll try to relax and enjoy the moment. Thanks for the advice, guys!
A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Hello there...
You are not too young to be in a relationship. And you and your boyfriend seem like very mature people for your age. A physical relationship at your age is a different matter...but you say your boyfriend never pressures you for sex; I think most girls would like their boyfriend to be like this!
Can he be trustworthy at 14? Well, given how you describe him as changing your suicidal feelings, and not pushing for sex, there is a high chance that he is more thrustworthy than most; and it sounds like he proved it to you...but you still seem nervous. The fact he deleted all his female contacts from his phone though is a little extreme...though is that not sign of how much he enjoys going out with you?
People who are telling you to 'slow down' are likely referring to sex; which they are right to do. But there is no reason to slow down the non-sexual activities you can do together; going the cinema, going music concerts etc.
You personally just need to relax! I know that being suicidal and alone can make you nervous and more conscience, but I think that you just need to go with the flow! As I said you both sound mature for your age and he sounds like a great lad to have caught! Don't worry about your age, as long as you stay off sex for a couple years you should just enjoy being in what sounds a very trustful relationship!
good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok i need more advice lol.
I just read a the "relationships red flags" things, but some of those apply to my boyfriend...then again....some of those apply to EVERYONE i know.
but the things that apply are like, rush into commitment...however we're both teenagers, you know how they are...and then the whole, i need you thing. he says that a lot. but he's never a pompous ass like many of those things described. he's always totally selfless and takes all the blame on himself...he never blames me or puts me down...uhm am i turning a blind eye to things here or can certain things be different with certain people in different contexts?
we ARE each other's first serious relationship, we have no idea what we're doing lol.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks!
Yeah, I do need to get more involved with my friends, I guess. And yeah, we're not like TOTALLY serious, just mostly...I suppose we could do with a bit more light heartedness.
Thanks for the advice!
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