A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:been married over 4 yrs been with my wife over 5 yrs we have a 3yr old daughter but she has 3 teenage sons who got on with me fine till they reach certain age then thy have no respect for me or their mum as she has always let them see their dad who left them for another woman and now has 2 daughters they think this is fine but i hate being around them or my wife lately since myself/ my wife/ my daughter came back from holiday in bulgaria we fight about them all the time and i want to leave can u give me advice RAB Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 July 2008):
No matter what he did to your wife, he is still their dad. The fact you have come in to their lives and made it clear you don't like their dad is making them have to pick a side. Him or You.
Try to stay calm and don't react because that is what they want from you. Don't bad-mouth their dad either as then they won't feel torn by loyalty.
Look at it from their side but also remember they are teenagers and suffering an overdose of testosterone at the moment.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): You married this woman knowing she had teenagers. This was your choice. Now you need to be strong, buck up and support her. Teenagers are difficult to raise. There is hardly a family out there that will state that their teens 'didn't' go through a period of their growing and development, where they acted disrespectfully towards their parents and/or step parents. These boys are acting up for a reason. You and your wife must unite as a strong team, make huge efforts and find out why. I recommend family therapy for all of you. You and your wife need to find a family therapist in your area who has experience with teenagers. Working together with a good counselor will help you and your wife learn how to handle an emerging young adult and will teach these teen boys how to be more respectful and learn skills to cope with their home environment. But don't hate them...they are young people in crisis and as a result, this whole family is in crisis. As well as family counseling, you and your wife should seek relationship counseling to learn how to cope together, and be helpful and supportive to each other, in attaining the goal of raising these boys to adulthood. Telling your wife you hate her boys, and that you want to leave is a pretty cowardly, weak way to behave. You do everything to fight for this family of yours and begin seeking ways to keep the solidarity of this family intact. Start with counseling. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Teenagers never have respect for their parents this is normal. One day your daughter will be a teenager and she will cause you problems too.
But from what I understand you have a big problem with them seeing their father because he left your wife for another woman. But surely you should be glad that they have their father and you don't have to take full responsiblity for them. You should be glad their father left so you could be free to marry their mother.
I'm not clear what your problem is. Do you just not like these boys and their father. Well unfortunately they are important to your wife and you need to accept this or leave. If it's problems with their behaviour, you and your wife have to sit down and work out between you (in a calm non-agressive manner) what you will and will not accept from these boys and how you expect them to behave when their under your roof.
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