A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My closest friend of almost 20 years in driving me crazy and I don't know how to tell her. She has always been "part of" my family in a way that she just kind of inserted herself there and I allowed it to an extent. But now I've been traveling and haven't seen my family as much and she is calling my family hers, calling my aunts "Aunt" and giving them advice and liking and commenting on all of their posts on Facebook.The thing is... I'm not always on Facebook... I'm traveling etc.. but social media is not my whole life, and when I do get on there to see how my family is doing I feel like if I don't comment or like on everything I will feel like I'm missing out, which might sound really stupid, but I just want her to back off a little. On top of it.. I'm a girl with a girl, and she (my friend of 2 years)... just confessed that she has been in love with me... I don't feel the same nor do I want her always in my family's business... I just want my family to be mine. and I've told her in a nice way that they are my family and she can talk to them and I absolutely don't want to be petty, but I want my space from her and I can't get it if she is always in my family business. I would never do that to her... how do I make this the least petty but polite request ever... to just give me some space and back off my family?The fact that it is mostly thanks to Facebook makes me cringe.... Can she back off my family a little?I've known them my whole life, and they are so precious to me.. just back off... or what? So frustrated and feeling like a mean person/friend because of it. As an adult,.... what do I do???
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2015): How does your family respond to her? If they are loving and receptive to her showing them appreciation, how is that wrong?
If you feel she's too much in your business, then why complain to us? Tell her! You don't have to be polite if you don't want to be. Your post doesn't give me the impression you want to be kind to her. So what's with the phony political correctness towards her? If you've neglected your family, and haven't spent enough time with them; maybe you're just feeling guilty, because she has done a better job. It makes you look bad. Probably not, but that's how you perceive things. You want to paint a sordid picture of this person you've apparently rejected; so you're now trying to form the impression loving your family is stealing your life. It doesn't make sense to me.
It's sad to know that she has to claim the family of someone else to be hers. It seems to me they must be reciprocating the love for her to feel that comfortable with, and about it. I think a good percentage of your resentment comes from guilt. I see no real harm in someone being kind and loving to my family. If they aren't complaining about it, they must appreciate it.
If she fell in-love with you, and she is trying to push your buttons and slide into your life. Then stop being phony and let her know precisely how you feel about her intrusion.
Tell your family how you feel about it as well. Are you afraid they'll just side with her, and feel you're just jealous? Figure it out. She's a grown woman, and you can't tell her who to be nice to, or who to talk to. It appears you can't tell your family to stop liking her, and allowing her to be so close to them.
I think you need to get it off your chest and tell her straight-up. You're away a lot; so I can't see the harm in her enjoying the love your family seems to be so eager and generous to share. I guess they are to be blames as well, if they aren't complaining to you about it.
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