A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to try and keep this short, but its not likely.. I'm 16 (17 in November) and I met this guy through my friend, she introduced us on MSN and we were jus speaking and getting to know each other as friends. We spoke on the phone, and so on. After a month of talking EVERYday, he told me he was starting to like me. I'm not going to deny it, i was developing feelings for him too. We still hadn't seen each other so I was a little scared, even though he had seen my Myspace and my pics, he could tell I had a thicker figure, but I have always been insecure about my body and so I didn't really want to go and see him, however i did. We met up yesterday and it went amazingly well, there was so much to talk about, nothing was awkward. I've never had a boyfriend before, but I have dated one unofficially for a few months (but nothing happened between us) and I ended up getting hurt, so this would be my first if we do end up going out, but he didn't try anything on me or make me feel awkward at all. We didn't kiss and when I told him I haven't kissed anyone before either, he was so understanding and told me it will happen if it's supposed to happen. Now me, I'm a British born Indian, and he's Grenadian. I don't care about the race watsoever, and neither does he. I'm sure my family would be okay with it because my parents have told me a number of times that it doesn't matter who I like, their race doesn't matter as long as i'm happy with that person and i'm sure they wouldn't say that to me if they didn't mean it. Anyways, this guy isn't my age. He's 19 (20 in September) and I know it sounds bad and you may think hes too old for me, but unless you're an understanding person, you won't be able to help me with my question. When people used to say 'age is nothing but a number' I used to think they were silly, because I thought age mattered, in a way I still do otherwise I wouldn't be askin for help. But i'm starting to understand why people say age is nothing but a number now. We do live quite far apart, I live in North West London and he lives in South East London, so the travel is quite long as well.Even though I've only known him for a month, it really does seem like i've known him longer. I don't trust him yet, as it's just starting off, and we aren't official or anything, but my parents are going through a divorce currently as my dad cheated on my mum for 3 years. I've told him this and i've told him that I got hurt the last time I put myself out there, and he completely understands why i'm afraid to trust him. My thicker figure does not bother him at all and my body is something that I thought would stop guys from liking me, but this guy just seems genuine. Now I know I haven't had much experience with guys, but he is totally different from the last guy I dated. If we do end up being together, I would tell my mum and my brother, my dad doesn't live with us anymore so I don't know if I would tell him, but that's besides the point. My brother is in the same year as this guy (First year of Uni) but my brother is 10 months younger as he is born later. So if I were to tell my family, I don't have a clue what they would say, but thats for later.The main issue is, is it silly of me to be with this older guy? Does age really matter?Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): It IS okay. My best friends parents are eight years apart.
:)
A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (19 May 2009):
 When I read the title of your post, I thought you were referring to a man who is 20 years older or something!
The age-gap you mention is nothing.
When I was 18, I was with a 29 year old for 6 months. A year later another 29 year old.
My husband (we met when I was 21) is 8 years older than me, which is about double the age-gap you are worried about. Do you really class 4 years older as an "older guy". He's still young.
IF he was old enough to be your Dad or a huge generation gap then I would say it's too much.
I bet there are more relationships and marriages where there is an age gap. Not everybody is with somebody their own age or within 12 months difference.
It's more normal for girls to go for older guys. But I do have a friend who married a guy who is 2 years younger than she is. I also know a family where she's about 10 years older.
So where does this age gap concern come from? Has your Mum or a friend said something about why don't you go out with somebody you own age or something?
They say that race, age, and class doesn't matter. What I think is, it's more important that a couple shares the same values, passions etc. It's possible to get on with somebody who is very different but I think it helps if you have a similar education background as eachother, or are from a similar class situation. I don't mean that literally, more to do with having common ground that's all.
Big differences in culture and age can cause family problems and your parents not accepting him. But is about 4 years difference really big enough for that?
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A
female
reader, Briana969  +, writes (19 May 2009):
Hiya hun,
I'd say what your waiting for go for it. Three years difference is hardly what i call a age gap, to be honest it seems like a good match age wise, also he seems cool about your body issues and your inexperience, you cant help it if your not experienced relationship wise, all that matters is he is being considerate and understanding, motst inportantly likes you for who you are.
Don'r worry about the distance im sure you can work something out, im in a realtionship in which my bf lives 180 miles apart from me and were going fabulos. we may only see each other every two weeks nut i couldnt ask for anything better. You never know if you did was right until you try it, gd luck and let me know how it turns out.
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A
female
reader, blueyes333  +, writes (19 May 2009):
When I was 16, this hott model on Myspace messaged me. I thought it was a fake page. But we started talking, he was 21, went to college nearby where i live. We met up at the mall for dinner, we each brought a friend so it wouldnt be awkward. We had a great time. We have been together for 3 years. Now, i am 19 and he is 24. If you like the guy, its okay to be with him even though he is older. My parents hated the idea at first but they met him and hes a nice guy so they got over it. But make sure he treats you well. Older guys have a tendency to take advantage of younger girls. Dont do anything you dont feel comfortable doing. And be sure that he does not have all the power in the relationship.
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