A
female
age
,
*qg123
writes:How much weight do you put on physical attraction? I hear a lot of people say its shallow to think this is important, but is it really shallow? Don't we have to feel physical attraction for a relationship to be successful? Is it even fair to the one you are dating if you don't feel all that attracted to him? I don't find him gross, but nothing like I felt about past mates. As a person he is the best and I really like him a lot. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Im in the same situation. I have decided to get to know the person better before making any decisions, because the guy seems so sweet. I dont want to rule it out because of the fact I am not physically attracted to him. Only time will tell, and I am going to be honest so that if nothing else, I might be able to make a friend in the least. Good luck with your situation, and hopefully you make the right choice, and your the only one who can decide if the choice is right or not.
A
female
reader, sqg123 +, writes (25 March 2008):
sqg123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who answered. I am going to give this relationship a little time and see if maybe, hopefully I will become more attracted to him as I get to know him better. I really do not want to hurt this guy though so I want to decide soon.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Of course it's important - it would be shallow to say that it was everything in a relationship, but it does play a part. If you don't have any physical attraction to your parter, you'd only ever be attracted to other people. They need to be able to fulfil your needs, physical as well as mental and personal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): I understand you perfectly. I also value a lot physical appearance. Not that I'm perfect but Who said I liked perfect guys?
It is shallow to evaluate a person just based on their looks. But if you are not attracted to them nobody should criticize you because you cannot control falling in love with somebody.
If you like a person a lot and feel he is right for you but reject him for some physical flaw then you are being shallow.
Do not force yourself into a relationship like I did with a disgusting man. I felt attracted to the way he treated me but he was ugly. I thought I was being shallow and we ended up having a 'serious' relationship because he manipulated me into it and I regret it. Of course it didn't last long.
So don't be with someone because of pressure. If he doesn't ring your bell it means he's not for you. It doesn't matter how 'good' he could be.
Take Care!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 The reason that is shallow is because people who go for looks often tend to ignore personality and then complain that their hunk makes them unhappy.
You say it yourselve, as person he is the best, you like him a lot, but ugh.
What makes you more happy in a relationship, someone you enjoy being with, who cares for you and makes you happy, or someone who is easy on the eyes?
But I wouldn't worry to much about it, we all work in different ways. If he doesn't "do it" for you that can't be helped because while going purely for looks is shallow, you can't make yourself attracted to someone you are not.
Faking it would sooner or later make your eye wander to a man who you are attracted to.
Just don't string him along as a friend while you keep hunting for a good looking mate.
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A
female
reader, angy  +, writes (25 March 2008):
Well i think if you think alot about someone because they make you feel good when you are with them, then that is what counts and you are making love to the person, not their body so much as you can get used to how someone is. You must have been attracted to him in the first place so he can't be all that bad!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (25 March 2008):
 Hi there,
well it is superficial if it is the only thing that attracts you to someone, but clearly this is not the case here. You have to be attracted to somone to want to share a physical relationship with them. Some people may not be your "type" to start with , but with care and attention they grow into your "type". But if they cannot push your buttons now, then it will only get worse in the future.
My advice would be to give him some room to find someone, don't disappoint him in the future, he may be the right man in the wrong body, but what is going to happen in the future if you do meet someone who instantly connects with you physically as well as mentally - I somehow think your current beau would be given the heavho. I don't mean this in a nasty way, i.e. you would jump into bed with the first man you do find attractive, but rather as something that will weigh on your mind, and physical attractiveness is such a major influence in our love lives.
Here is an opportunity to develop a lifetime male friend, but beware of breaking his heart, he may not want to stay friends.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (25 March 2008):
Hi there,
well it is superficial if it is the only thing that attracts you to someone, but clearly this is not the case here. You have to be attracted to somone to want to share a physical relationship with them. Some people may not be your "type" to start with , but with care and attention they grow into your "type". But if they cannot push your buttons now, then it will only get worse in the future.
My advice would be to give him some room to find someone, don't disappoint him in the future, he may be the right man in the wrong body, but what is going to happen in the future if you do meet someone who instantly connects with you physically as well as mentally - I somehow think your current beau would be given the heavho. I don't mean this in a nasty way, i.e. you would jump into bed with the first man you do find attractive, but rather as something that will weigh on your mind, and physical attractiveness is such a major influence in our love lives.
Here is an opportunity to develop a lifetime male friend, but beware of breaking his heart, he may not want to stay friends.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Shallow, no.
It all depends on what you feel. Do you like the guy enough to see past the physical so that it may as well not even exist?
If not, it will end soon anyway.
Flynn 24
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