A
female
age
36-40,
*andi Girl
writes:I asked a question on the 17th of July about what I should do about the situation I have with my boyfriend of 2 years that is not tending to my emotional needs. I got some great advice, thank you! My situation unfortunately still stands. I am trying so hard to accomidate his every need because I want him to be happy. I cant understand why he doesnt want that for me. I've had a very rough life and as a result I have an issue with feeling the lack of belonging and unconditional love from anyone. I know he loves because he shows me in many ways, but I hate to admit its not enough. I am high maintenance(not materialistic things) but its hard to change that. I dont ask much,just to be loved ,appreciated and respected. I honestly wanna be put 1st as a priority.Is that selfish of me even though I cater to his every need? I know he is a good man, but I need what I need. I tell him on the regular basis what I need from him but it never lasts more than a week. HELP!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 I totally agree with AuntyEm. It also sounds like yo keep a mental score of what you do for him,expecting him to return the favor. Unfortunately for people who don't feel worthy, like you in this situation, you've become accustomed to feeling this way. The feeling is almost like an old reliable friend. You can count on being let down. Often, in this case, we start to thrive on feeling let down and almost expect it.
In other words, every time you do something nice for your guy, you're almost anticipating that he is going to fail as far a reciprocating the favor. It's almost a let down when he doesn't fail. That's because you're waiting for his failure so you can prove that in deed you're correct and unworthy of his attetnion. It's hard for him to win this one.
Get some profeesional help to figure out why you feel this way. A partner can only take so much of this. Don't chase him away.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 A person can only give so much and it's not fair, if they are trying but failing to meet our needs, that we push for more and more. You sound like you have deep emotional issues that maybe require the help of a professional therapist or counsellor. Problems that have come from a poor or damaged past, need unravelling gently and methodically by someone who can help you face them and come to terms with them.
Expecting your boyfriend to do all this is not only unfair, it can be very damaging to your relationship. I am sure you don't want things to reach breaking point as apart from your 'hight maintenance' demands, you guys seem to have a very good relationship. Talking to a counsellor will help you see things from a different perspective and you will realise how unreasonable your demands are.
When the heat is off your guy a little , he may feel in a more positive position to help support you a little more. I just think things are way too intense and that will scare a lot of guys.
Give the man a break, get some professional help and enjoy the good things about your relationship that are evident.
Tough talk from Aunty Em...but I wish you the best.
Let me know how you get on. x
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