A
female
age
36-40,
*unshine143
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years. We have two kids together and he has one with someone else. When i first met him his mom was taking his son which i didn't understand. We got pregnant with out first child and before our first son was born we started taking his other son...his mom was not happy with that. There was a lot of fights over it. My boyfriend would always take his moms side in the end. We stayed together but every weekend we got his oldest son she would call and if she didn't get her way there would be a huge fight. It was horrible. If she didn't get her way she would threaten to get our son took en away and say should would call dcfs and say we didn't take care of him. We got pregnant again and had another boy ten months ago. She has build no relationship with my ten months old son. He don't even know who she is because all she is focused on is his oldest son. she on occasion takes our first son but not unless his oldest son is here for the weekend. things were going okay with his mom. We pretty much just let her get her way. Well this last June we started telling her no when we had things to do so she got angry and called my boyfriends ex and tried to set up her own visitation with his oldest son. At first his ex was okay with it. Well then she changed her mind and my boyfriends mom called and started make threats about us losing our kids and my boyfriends job.. She also said stuff about my mom. (my mom has a terminal illness) saying god was taken my mom away from me cause i am evil blah blah blah. Her and her husband and her other son called and harassed us for days. Then she started to say sorry and stuff and my boyfriend was right by her side. I was so hurt i didn't understand why she always came first. So I decided to just forgive and forget.. she took my oldest son camping (my boyfriends oldest one couldn't go because she had made his mom very made by calling and yelling at her) she came to drop him off when they got back. All of our kids were here. So i told the kids to all leave the room so we could have a conversation and i didn't feel the kids needed to hear it. She we talked everything was going okay. I told her i felt she favored his oldest kid and then his oldest kid came into the room and she looked right at him and said your first grand kid is always your favorite..... I was so upset that she was saying this in front of him so i told him to leave the room She ten became very rude and went to leave. I do not remember what all was said then i said to her all i want from you is to make all my kids feel loved and cared for the same but i guess that is too much to ask of you and she looked at me and said your jealous of your boyfriends 1st son. And i told her i was not and that she need to leave she then looked at me with a smile on her face and said he is my honey and always will be my honey!! Get over it! (His oldest son is who he is) I said well you need to leave she started to yell and call me names i yelled and told her to leave, my kids started crying and got scared.... she finally left and was outside my apartment yelling i went out side and said for her to leave and that she was not seeing the kids... she started pulling flowers outta my garden and i said i was calling the cops she left. I did call the cops they came and took pictures. Well right before the cops left my boyfriend called and and asked me why i had chocked and scratched his mom. I told him i didn't..... I am to the point where i do not wanna fight with her anymore but as long as she is around there will be fights. I love my boyfriends but i feel once she starts up her sorrys again that he will take her side......... so my question is after all that has happened with his mom is it right for me to make my boyfriend chose between me and his mom?
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (24 July 2009):
you've lost, if he hasn't cut the strings from Mom, your chances are ZERO... learn from this and get out there and find a healthy guy to date
A
female
reader, sunshine143 +, writes (24 July 2009):
sunshine143 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe has set some limits with his mom, She is never okay with them. I tried talking to her at my house the other day when she did that. She is a very hard person to talk to she freaks out when she hears something she don't like.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): hi,from what i have read it is not you that is making your boyfriend chose it is his mother she is scared of loosing him and her not being needed anymore,some mothers are like this and the grandson is her chance to be a better parent than she was to her own son,she will treat the grandson as if she was his mother easing her own guilt i suppose,just try and deal with it and dont worry to much as im sure she loves all her grandchildren
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (24 July 2009):
 No you should not make him choose between the two of you, that's not right. I do believe that you need to talk to your boyfriend, NOT WHEN YOU'RE UPSET, and let him know how you really feel about this situation, ask him to set a balance with his mother, tell him that he needs to set some limits with his mom. And I know you may be tired of her, but try talking to her again "in a calm relaxed environment", meet at a coffee shop or the park & really share your feelings with her, make her understand that you don't like the way she handles you & your other kids. Make sure you don't show attitude, and give her a chance to speak.
If this doesn't work, then you just need to avoid & ignore her actions, but don't make your man choose between you & her.
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