A
female
age
51-59,
*R_Scorpio
writes:Would you ever date the ex boyfriend of a very good friend of yours, even if you never got to meet the ex boyfriend? I'm really torn about how to feel about this. My best friend is dating the exboyfriend of one of our good friends and I'm having a hard time accepting this. I know it's non of my business, but I just can't believe someone would go after the ex of one of your friends. I mean, there are plenty of men in the world, why go after someone who was in a longterm relationship with one of your friends? I just don't get it. I don't know how to be supportive when I'm so against this decision of hers.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): This is actually pretty typical of grown ups. You're in your 30s now -- your group of friends know each other all pretty well. So they tend to mix and remix within the same group, because relationships are easier with someone you've known for the past decade or more.
The notion that "I just can't believe someone would go after the ex of one of your friends" really belongs to your twenties.
The statement that "I don't approve of this relationship" really belongs to your teenage years and the hothouse of school. Grown up relationships are complicated things, and approval/disapproval is usually the wrong question. For example, you ask if he is serious. It does seem a bit soon, but not impossible. But maybe your friend isn't serious and is indulging herself. Maybe she's watched him for quite a while, likes most of what she sees and doesn't want to let the opportunity slip by, but she'll happily turn him lose if they turn out to be unsuited.
You've described yourself as her friend. Grownup friends don't go all judgemental about complicated things like romance or child raising. They just ride with life and be there, maybe to celebrate their tenth anniversary, maybe to pick up the pieces.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011):
I personally will not get involved with x's of friends or even acquaintances. I dated someone recently who had dated a friend but they weren't really a relationship and she wasn't upset at all, she talked about it with me- I had not realized she even dated him and she is engaged to someone else. If I think it's going to be uncomfortable for someone I would never do that.
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A
female
reader, PR_Scorpio +, writes (14 November 2011):
PR_Scorpio is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStrongfp, thank you so much for your input. my best friend did speak to our friend about it (although she didn't tell her all the truth), and our friend said she was cool with it. Not sure if she really meant it or she just doesn't want to lose the friendship over a man. But whatever the case is, everyone knows about the relationship. The ex boyfriend actually persued my best friend even after finding out that she and his ex are friends, but that's another story. I'm going to have to do some serious soul searching and try to find peace about this because I don't want it to ruin my relationship with my best friend, but at the same time, I don't approve of this relationship. But time will tell if he's serious about her or not and if this relationship is going to last. Thanks again for your honest input. I really appreciate it! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): Things have changed so much. I used to think more people honoured their marriage vows, treated others with a high decorum of respect, more Teens loved and honoured their parents and always sought their wisdom and counsel over others.
Reading the many posts to discover the world is decaying as are standards and morals on Right and Wrong; I guess its up to the individual, now isn't it?
I think in the end, you do not have a full account of what goes on, what lead the GF and her NEW BF to date one another.
If it was a case of emotional abuse in the previous relationship- would it then be okay to have a Loving GF have a chance at Happiness with a Loving Man?
For one person, anothers Ex may be exactly what they need. And we were all dating, married, commited to someone's EX at one time.
Personally, that goes against any of my standards and I have declined many offers from Elementary school to now. But that is me, the individual and how I operate and what brings me peace and happiness.
Are these two happy together? Loving, laughing together? Treat one another Honourably? Because at the end of the day; I think that is what truly matters.
So do what you do, live how you will, and time will tell. Even then;sometimes working on forgiving someone even if they have committed no real offense to you- is the best thing to do.
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