A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 2 years and never wants to go out and do things with me. All we do is sleep, really. Or hang out in his bedroom or mine, until we fall asleep. I can't remember the last time we went out and did something.I have mentioned that I would like to do other things with him, like hiking, or movies. I would think he's a homebody, but apparently that's not the case because he does a lot more things with other people, especially this one girl.The issue is this:I am jealous of the other girl. But it's not 'that' kind of jealousy because I know for a fact he would never cheat on me. The jealousy comes from the fact that they do a lot of things together, and when I ask to do things with him, he always turns me down. He gives me the excuse that he's too tired, or the weather isn't good (when it's just overcast), or that he needs to clean his room (which never gets done). But I always find out that they went out to eat or hiking, or other stuff that he could do with me. Is it right to be jealous that they do more things together than he does with me? Again, it has nothing to do with the fear that he might cheat on me, I firmly believe that he won't. And how do I get him to do more things with me? I've brought it up that I was jealous that they did more things together, but he said absolutely nothing, but "oh."
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Stop enabling this laziness. Refuse to go to his to "hang out". Only go to his if he comes up with an offer to do something that you would actually be interested in. Play a little hard to get and keep the relationship interesting. Right now I think the two of you are just bored with each other. You need some new impulses, and a new dynamic. Stop doing the "usual", break old habits. Invite him to go with you, if he doesn't want to you should go alone/with someone else. He'll have no other option but to tag along eventually. Just stick to it and don't fall into the old routine again.
Don't just talk about wanting to do things.. start doing them. Then he'll see you actually mean it, and aren't just talking about it.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 "Sounds" to me like you're "second fiddle" in his orchestra.... and are learning that this other girl - who is "first fiddle" - is getting all the maestro's attention.
How long will you stand for it, before you STAND UP for yourself and ask him: "Her or me... which will it be?"
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Hi, I think this is the same poster, I have left a detailed answer on your other question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-think-he-knows-what-empathy-is.html
Here, I would make sure you make plans to do things with other people, invite your boyfriend along. Try befriending this girl and you call her and plan an outing. See how that plays out.
I'm thinking he's mentally checked out of the relationship, based on this question and your other one. See that other one for the longer answer.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 If they do a lot of things together and you don't do anything, then it is as good as cheating to me. He's giving his time and energy to someone other than you=cheating. I am not sure it is jealously as much as that his behavior and response are hurtful and you are hurting.
What I would do is tell him that you are no longer seeing him until the two of you start doing things. Apparently the other girl is more important as she gets most of his time. Then be prepared to let him go his own way. If he is just saying "oh" when you tell him your concerns and is not actively trying to fix the situation, he doesn't care. You're best to leave him and start doing those things you want to do without him.
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