A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know a girl and we're at that stage between a friendship and something romantic. Lots of flirting and caring and checking in on each other regularly but I'm between jobs at the moment and I have no idea about the immediate future and when I'll be able to start making money again.I don't have much of my savings left either as I've used it to repay student loans. She's a student so I can't depend on her financially. It would be easier on her if I did have a job and I'm very conscious and embarrassed of my situation.Is it right for me to ask her out under these circumstances? It's getting increasingly hard everyday and waiting for something to come through is painful as this girl ticks all the boxes in long term relationship material and I don't want to let this one go.
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male
reader, Mr.Wizard  +, writes (29 December 2017):
The fact that you are asking this question means that you are already aware of finances & are considerate enough to think about this before entering a relationship, with this in mind it shouldn't actually depend on the current situation, people are happy in relationships all over the world without money, but what is important is to determine if the individual in question is ok with your financial insecurity, in general they should be, its only dating & you aren't making any long term commitments! if they have to buy their own coffee its not the end of the world, but i think if you are concerned about it then it would be beneficial to explain to them your position, perhaps in a different conversation to asking them out, hopefully you are close enough that you can talk about work and where you are in life. But if you want it to work long term you should go in with an expectation that they won't "love you any less" because you are lacking some cash, it sounds like you are resourceful enough to not remain unemployed in the long run, so being between jobs shouldn't mean anything. (on a seperate note, if you are worried about becoming long term unemployed, then this is another matter that will probably need to be communicated, as they may be unwilling to be the provider for a relationship & family, but communication is key, money isn't everything)
All the best,
A
female
reader, Blueeyes2121  +, writes (26 December 2017):
 I recommend waiting till your finances are more stable. If you cant take care of yourself financially without stress, or contribute to a date then it would be hard to have a good balanced relationship in my opinion.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2017): From personal experience get your finances in order. If you are struggling to care for yourself, and cant contribute to any date then it would be hard to have a real relationship in my opinion.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2017): Talk to her. Let her know your situation. Believe me she will appreciate that and bring you closer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2017): I agree with the first answer: get yourself sorted out financially before pursuing romantic relationships.This is coming from a girl who's (now ex) bf was unemployed throughout the relationship of over 4 years, and did very little to look for a job. At first he had a little money from student bursaries so he could take me out to dinner every once in a while, but over time I began paying for more dates while he sat back and did nothing. He got so cushy that he convinced himself that his ideal career was 'house husband' and that he was happy with me being the breadwinner. He just didn't love himself, and in the end his unwillingness to look for a job prevented us from moving our relationship forward.Now that's not to say you are the same. From what I gather, you are keen to get a job and are motivated in looking for one. Kudos! But make that your first priority. If you are not motivated to look for a job, don't bother pursuing her. If you do pursue her despite your situation, your (presumably) gf will overlook this at first during the Honeymoon period in dating and pretend everything is perfect... but as time goes by, I promise you she WILL become resentful if she's paying for everything and will think differently of you. I know it sounds harsh and materialistic to say you should have a job to pursue the girl, but the reality is when we (girls) date guys, we honestly ask ourselves "is/will he be a good provider if we moved in/got married?". Nobody wants to date a moocher.In the meantime, follow WiseOwlE's advice and let your intentions be known to this girl; explain the situation, but SHOW her that you want to gain permanent employment and SHOW her the efforts you are putting in. Still maintain a friendship with her, but focus on yourself first. SHOW her that she is worth the effort. I wish you all the best. Also check out job agencies to find work: I did, and I managed to get temporary jobs very quickly after applying. You have the motivation, and you will get through this!Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2017): As a man you have to have your financial-situation in order. If she knows you are between jobs; she will understand and will be patient. You will not be able to take her out; but you should pay her nice visits and take long strolls together. Don't picture yourself as down on your luck; you're just going through a period we all face following college or a layoff.
Don't get too ahead of yourself about the relationship; because you can force yourself into depression and frustration. Life presents challenges, and you do your best to overcome them. I do suggest that you consider temporary job-placement services; so you don't jeopardize your credit due to late-payments.
Romance has to wait when you should be focusing on getting yourself back on your feet. If she feels the same for you as you feel for her; she will give you time. Don't fret or place undue pressure on yourself. All things come into order in due time.
Patience, young man! You have enough on your mind trying to find gainful employment.
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