A
female
age
30-35,
*eautifulParadise
writes:The baby's father isn't in the picture. I have tried to reach out to him during this pregnancy, but nothing.I kind of am considering to file for child support, since I'm living with my mom and don't make as much at the moment. The only thing is the fact that I don't really know him. I got pregnant 3 months into dating him and he disappeared after. ( I know big mistake)Now my question, Is it really worth it to file? I don't want some stranger being with my kid. I know he is the dad and everything but it just doesn't seem right. I don't want him to be a negative influence on my son. What should I do??Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 April 2017):
 Put your own feelings to one side now and think about your child. You do not have the right to decide for him or her if their father is going to be in their life or not. Yes it sounds like he done a runner the moment he heard you where pregnant but still he has a duty to help you with costs. Babies are hard work and you will need all the help you can get. He may be a stranger to you, but he is still your babies father and has the right to have a chance like everyone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2017): As a single-mother you always think in the best interest of the child. Your connection with the father was brief; but the child is your life-long joy and responsibility.
An irresponsible and unconcerned sperm-donor should never be let off the hook. He was present when the child was conceived; and he has half the responsibility for financial-support of his offspring.
He has the choice not to be a father, but leave him no choice about helping feed, cloth, shelter, and provide whatever financial-support the child needs until the child is too old to receive it.
Gather as much personal-information as you can provide, and child-support authorities will do the rest. A paternity test will most likely be required all the same. Have everything in-place legally. He may be MIA now; but it's a small world, and you'll track him down eventually.
Don't get any notions about your personal needs regarding the guy. He doesn't love you. It's all about the child he left behind.
Having unprotected-sex may not only produce a child, he could have left you with HIV or herpes. He is obviously not the responsible or considerate type; so a child and your health isn't the least bit important to him. Hope this is a lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, Newgirlintown  +, writes (22 March 2017):
I got pregnant when I was 18, my only family is my brother. I wanted to be able to go to college and couldn't afford to support a baby. The only way I could get assistance was to file for child support. Thankfully my boyfriend at the time was great and wanted to support his son so we had no issues.
Do you know that this guy isn't a good guy? Why do you think he will be a bad influence if you don't really know him? My bf and i broke up and It wasn't always pleasant between but I could never imagine my son not having the chance to know his dad or his grandparents / aunts and uncles. He has a right to know where he comes and the guy might surprise you and be a good dad. My ex has done some dumb shit but when it comes to being a dad he is a stand up guy
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 March 2017):
 What if *he* doesn't want a stranger being around his son? As you are as much of a stranger to him as he is to you. It's too late to worry about him being a negative influence.
You need to be mature about this - even considering not getting child support is unrealistic, as it is incredibly expensive to raise a child, let alone on only one salary.
File for child support and if he wants visitation, he can have visitation unless you can prove he's an unfit father, which you can't yet because you don't know him.
Everything is about your child now, not you or your opinions. Most children do better with two parents, especially if there's nothing wrong with either of them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2017):
 I think it is "worth" it. Kids don't come cheap. And IF you, later on, will need public assistance like housing, welfare, medical - they will insist you file for child support.
I know this from my niece. She doesn't get beans worth from the baby-daddy (neither does the other 3 women he has knocked up) but my niece has gotten help with food stamps and medical care for her daughter. She has also been eligible for several work programs.
Also, you are not doing this for YOU. You are doing this for your child.
If he is SO not interested in having anything to do with you now, I don't think he will later on either. And IF he does, well... HE is the father. And whether you like it or not FATHERS have rights too.
As things stand in most states, HE would actually have to get a lawyer to get visitations with the child. As the courts will TRY and look out for the child's best interest. He might not be interested in THAT expense. He can't just waltz into
your life later on, and DEMAND that he gets time with his child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): He may insist on a DNA test. But yes you should file. Babies cost money. Getting child care cost money. Going to school costs even more. And your child will one day ask questions about who is their Daddy. He may or may not want to meet his child but 50 percent of the input to creating that new life came from him.
So Yes he should shoulder some of the burden of the expense of bringing up the baby
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